It is April 7, 2019. I am sitting at the kitchen table. It is 8:46am. I just came inside from a walk. I am drinking coffee. I am kind of cold, but I am warming up.

...

In June of 1998, my entire family came to my house to send me off to college. I didn't want to leave. I stayed in my room. I put on the Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. I got in my bed and laid under the covers. I cried for hours.

Teon came upstairs with Koi, and told me that I just had to go do what I had to do.

Jasper came upstairs and said... "Yo dog... "

My grandfather, friends from my neighborhood, my mom...

...

After about 4 hours, I came downstairs. I walked out of the door and stood on the porch. I still had tears in my eyes. Nobody said anything. Everyone was just looking at me. I smiled. I just walked down the stairs, gave everyone a hug, and got in my grandfathers car.

...

I did not want to go to college. I did not want to go to high school. I did not go to the 11th grade.

I didn't want to skip college because I was dumb. I wanted to skip college because I felt like I did not need it.

Yes, my intelligence measurements as a student indicated that I was a gifted student. I am not saying that I didn't need to go to college because I didn't know how to make good choices. What I am saying is that I didn't need to go to college because I already had been gifted with a lot of benefits that college was supposed to provide.

I had social interactions, sports, and girls in my neighborhood. The library was on 12th street. The Internet had became a thing. The dice game was on Park St. Atlantic City was only a few years away. All of my best friends lived in walking distance from me. I already had all of the most valuable gifts in life before I went to college. I was crying before I left because my heart intuitively knew I didn't need to go college in order to have a good life.

...

Everyone told me that I had to chase this other life. Everyone told me that I had to go to college, get a job, and change the world. Everyone told me that hanging out in the neighborhood was eventually going catch up with me, whether I did good things or bad things.

The world got to my mind. I had to go to college. Even though my heart was happy without all of the things that the minds of others told me I needed to be happy, my mind chose to suppress my hearts true feelings and go to college.

...

On the ride to campus, I sat in the back seat of my grandfathers car and looked out the window the entire way. I didn't want to leave my family. I didn't want to leave my friends. I didn't even want McDonald's. I was messed up. I was going to miss a lot of normal things. I was going to miss being home.

When my grandfather, my mom, Teon, and Koi finally left my dorm room, I laid down in my bed and cried.

I felt really alone.

When I woke up after crying myself to sleep, I walked to Wawa and used two phone cards to call my mom. I used them both back to back. I cried the entire time. I wanted to come back home. The conversation ended with her telling me that I was going to benefit in the long run, and that I had to do what I had to do.

On my walk back from my dorm room, I heard a person yelling for my attention. It was a black kid.

He was walking with 2 white girls.

Ok.

He introduced himself. I could tell he was cool. He was really nice. I had to check people where I came from. He wasn't a real hood black guy. There is nothing wrong with that. I was a real hood black guy. There is nothing wrong with that either. I was nice to him. I think he could tell I was a real hood black guy.

He could see the tears in my eyes. He saw that I wasn't dressed up. My haircut wasn't fresh. They were having a little gathering at the quad... and all of the freshman girls and the freshman boys were all planning to intermingle for the first time.

I didn't care about any of that.

I was there to handle my business in the classroom, play football, and learn old things so I could create new things that would change the world.

That is what I was told... or what I was sold.

I am still trying to figure that out.

Anyway...

I walked back to the dorm with my new friend. He is a really nice guy. He is still my friend to this day.

We walked into the game room of the dorm. There were a bunch of freshman boys all hanging out, playing pool, and listening to music. They were playing with a deck of cards and a set of dice. They were contemplating gambling.

I checked the room. There were a few black Philly hood dudes. They were real. I felt their energy first. They looked more like broke stick up kids than gamblers though. Real recognize real, so when we all kind of checked each other we all gave each other a kind of intuitive mutual respect. Real hood dudes know what I am talking about.

There were a few white kids that looked really smart. They didn't look like they were gamblers though. They looked like the type of kids that will literally let you take their money so they could hang out with you. It is kind of like the present day Meek Mill / Robert Kraft relationship. It is kind of like the present day Hollywood.

There were a few posers in between each side of those extremes that completed the room.

Anyway...

I didn't see anyone that was a real threat if we were really going to gamble. I am not saying I am the best gambler ever. I lost my entire $700 paycheck on a Friday night to Manny and Tramell two hours after I stepped out of the quick cash that evening. Sometimes I love cee-lo, and sometimes I hate cee-lo. I cannot tell you how defeated I felt on that walk home.

Gambling is all about timing. That night when I lost that money to Manny and Tramell, I shouldn't have gambled at all. I should have enjoyed my hard earned money on a Friday night after work. I had enough money. Chasing more money got me caught up. I didn't know when to stop.

Eventually the group of kids began gambling.

I joined in.

When you gamble, there are going to be times when you win and when you lose. The game isn't about each hand, but the totality of all of the the hands. That is how the MIT kids won a lot of money playing blackjack. They understood the timing. They knew when to bet. They understood the totality of the game. That is how they won.

To make a long story short, I ended up winning all of the money. It wasn't because I was necessarily getting the best hands or rolling the best numbers. I understood the odds, ratios, and timing... and used my intuition to get lucky enough times. That is why I won.

The next day I had one of the kids that had a car that wanted to be cool drive me to the mall. I didn't have a car. I didn't have a license. My mom never had a license. My mom never needed a license. I never needed a license. I could get to the mall without one at home.

I bought 2 pair of the Jordan XIV, the "It is Dark and Hell is Hot" cd, an Orange Julius, and a few other things at the mall with the winnings of the other kids. I still had money left over when I was finished.

When I got back to my dorm room, I cried. I had all of this cool stuff, but for what. I had to go to college 4 days after my high school graduation. My friends were all on their way to senior week in Ocean City, Maryland. My son, my mom, and my family were all at home. I didn't really care about Math. I didn't really care about a lot of the subjects. I just had to do what I had to do.
...

Class was wack. That summer I got B's and C's. I just did what I had to do.

..

That summer, I worked out with the football team.

They had me playing defensive back.

While I was a really good defensive back in high school, I went to college to play quarterback.

That is what I was told... or what I was sold.

I am done trying to figure that out.

...

I ended up quitting the football team before the season even started. If I wasn't even going to be given a chance to compete for the position that I was recruited for, I did not want to play at all.

...

I ended up in the gym. I ended up on the basketball court. I ended up playing pick up games with the basketball team. My high school basketball team was one of the best teams in the state my senior year. I was legit. The other kids on the team knew it.

I ended up getting the attention of the head coach of the basketball team. The coach checked my resume, and saw that I was legit. I played basketball all four years in high school along with playing football all four years in high school.

I ended up on the team. I ended up in the rotation. I ended up contributing. I ended up having a lot fun.

...

I played basketball for 2 years in college, after not playing sports during my first year.

While college basketball was fun, I did not like the way that the college educational experience was set up. There were simply too many things that I was required to learn that I did not care about.

...

After 3 years my heart got the best of my mind, and I said fuck college. I dropped out. I missed my family. Going home on random weekends, short visits by them, and short summers weren't enough. I just wanted to go home. I didn't go to college parties. I didn't drink. That culture was wack to me. The only thing I would have missed about college is the cafeteria.  A buffet at every meal is a blessing coming where I come from. I had a few steady girlfriends, but nothing serious enough to stay for. I was out.
...

I moved back home. I got a job. I helped raise my son. I got married. I had a daughter. I coached my kids youth league teams and high school basketball. I played summer league basketball and flag football.

I was settled.

I ended up moving out. My company closed the location I was working at, and I lost my job. I lost my marriage. While I continued to be a dad and continued to coach my kids teams, I had to give up everything else. I had to go back to college.

...

I re-enrolled in college as a 31 year old sophomore / junior. I took day classes. I took night classes. I took classes at my local community college. I commuted back and forth to ESU. I wasn't going to miss my opportunity to change the world this time.

I ended up graduating. I am a college graduate. I did it. My Alma matter even did an article on me after I graduated, centering around my first book. The article is below:

ARTICLE

...

I ended up getting a job at a juvenile prison. My work in that role changed and is still changing the world for the better. After leaving that job, I ended up getting a job as a case manager for children. My work in that role changed and is still changing the world for the better. I ended up working with law enforcement.

Different roles, same results.

...

Cancer.

Damn.
...

Even though being diagnosed with cancer at 34 years old was really hard to hear, I had to beat it.

There was literally no other choice.

I had worked too hard to miss seeing my children grow from this side of the game, in this lifetime.
...

Biopsy, feeding tube, oral stitches, chemotherapy, radiation, no food, no water, no walking, no sleep, no swallowing, pneumonia, blood work, Advil, methadone, steroids, jevity, oxycodone, throw up, constipation, shit, pain, terminal diagnosis, lung cancer surgery, death.

My mind fought really hard. My mind tried to be something that it whole heartedly was not. My heart eventually overcame my mind. My guilt and shame eventually overcame my pride and ego. I metaphorically killed all of the negative things that my mind was keeping from my heart, by exposing my heart to the truth and then by letting my truth go. That is how I healed. That is how we all can heal.

...

When my mind let go of my pride and my ego... when I released the shame, guilt, and truth that my mind had been hiding from my heart... it was like I was reborn. I felt like a newborn baby. I had my health, but nothing else.

A lot of people did not like the new person that I became as a result of revealing my truth, even though the negative truth that I revealed was a mere fraction of the whole person that I was. I was more positive than negative. It was just that the negative stood out more than the positive because it was new, bad, and unexpected.

After revealing my truth, I rapidly began to heal. I eventually figured out why.

I spent the next 15 months articulating how I healed, and how other cancer patients can heal in the simplest and purest way possibly.

On May 31, 2018, I published the book... "The DEATH OF a CANCER patient."

In February of 2017, I had to take a gamble. After lung cancer surgery, I had 8 months to live. I was scheduled to get a port in my shoulder. I was going to be administered medicine that would basically sedate me until I died.

My book is the reason why those things did not happen. My book is the articulation of why meditation, medical marijuana, and the expression of emotion can heal anyone from anything.

The late controversial healer Dr. Sebi stated that he knew the cure to all diseases.

He was right when he stated that the answer is in the water.

My book articulates why there really is only one disease.
...

Water is emotion that is effected by consciousness, or the lack of consciousness.

Different combinations of suppressed emotions result in a different diseases.

Ignoring your emotion with your light causes your ignored emotion to become ice.

Humans are 70 percent water. If ignored water or ignored emotion in the human body becomes ice, it will eventually start to effect the other 30 percent of the body.

Over time that ice will grow... piercing nerves, bones, and organs... causing pain, suffering, and death. 

...

Releasing my internalized negative emotion is how I healed from terminal cancer. My book is the articulation of how I did it, and how everyone else can do it. I used medical jargon, my own esoteric experience, and straight facts that prove my point.

My book is the cure to cancer. It had to be, or I would not be sitting here in the condition I am in today. All humans are water, so the method that I used can be applied to all humans. I have not received medical treatment in two years. I am in the best shape of my life without having been to a doctor, taken any of their medicine, or done any of their recommendations. I did all of their treatment protocols and completed their regimen first. It was wrong. The way in my book is the right way. My books are the articulation of exactly why and how what I did works.

...

Once I learned the truth about myself, I had to adjust. The person I presented myself to be prior to cancer afforded me a lot of gifts in life. Revealing my entire truth caused me to lose a lot of those gifts. Serendipitously, revealing my entire truth caused me to gain so many more gifts. I received the gift of life. I received the gift of health. Those gifts are irreplaceable, especially in comparison to the things that I lost. I no longer need most of the things that I used to spend my time and energy attempting to get. I already had every material item and social title I ever wanted. Having piece of mind and learning to love myself after my truth was revealed and after losing everything is the greatest gift I have ever given myself.

...

This experience has taught me a lot about the world. One of the things I learned is that in this world at this time, business trumps all. Our government, educational systems, media, and health care systems are all businesses before they are entities that intend to help people. What I learned about health effects the bottom line of all of those business.

In my life I have had professional relationships with government, educational, media, and health care entities. All of them were willing to associate themselves with me when I was dying of cancer. Now that I have healed myself of cancer by using methods and philosophies that effect their businesses, those businesses... entities that are supposed to have the intentions of helping people... are seemingly intentionally ignoring me. They all have my information. They all were a part of my journey. They all act like I no longer exist.

Despite witnessing my story, they have seemingly ignored the truth that has been revealed from my experience. People are still dying of the same old cancer treatments that I was going to die from prior to gambling with my life and forgoing conventional medical treatment.

At this point in my life, I have to adjust. I now understand that I cannot change business from the top down. I have to educate people at the bottom. I have to continue to be better than the system without the system, while the system continues to simultaneously ignore me while continuously providing sub par results for the masses.

How many more elections are we going to sit through before we realize that our governmental system does not work for the masses? How much more education do we need if our educational system has not fixed a majority of the worlds problems? How much more of the media do we need to listen to if it merely keeps us afraid? How much health care do we need to receive before we realize that modern protocols and modern medicine do not have the intention of healing us?

The systems do not need to to go away. The systems need to change. The systems need to be purified.

Their intentions can no longer be money and profit at the expense of human energy and human life.
...

My work is done. I graduated from college. I did the thing to change the world. I know the cure to cancer. I wrote the cure to cancer. I have made everyone aware of the truth of my esoteric experience as a terminal cancer patient. The only thing I can do now is spread my truth, and wait for the pure hearts of the world to overcome the business minds of the world. I no longer need to gamble. I am not going to die. I do not need to chase money. Health is my wealth. I know how to stay healthy. All I need to do now is wait until the powers that be acknowledge what I know to already be true. Until then I have to continue to be disciplined, poor, in my best physical condition, happy, and at my best without the system. The way I healed is the right way. I can no longer support systems that do not produce positive results for all.

My mind will no longer let me support a lie, now that my heart and mind have full awareness of the truth.

Will the systems eventually change? Will the voices at the bottom eventually force change at the top? Will I continue to be ignored? Will my voice eventually be heard?

Only time will tell, I guess.

In the meantime, I am going to continue to go for walks around my neighborhood. I am no longer afraid of the place I grew up in catching up with me. I now look forward to making my neighborhood a better place and staying, rather than leaving my neighborhood to make myself better in other places out in the world.

...

It is getting warmer outside.

I heard icebergs in Antarctica are melting too.

Spring is almost here.

I am ready for the change.

...

Love,

Kyle 

My name is Kyle James Kostic.

It is January 18, 2019... at 9:49am. It has been over 10 years since my first post on this blog. My daughter had a middle school varsity basketball game last night. I took the bus. I have a California drivers license. I just drove Latrell to school. I do not own a car. Later I might cut Quron and Kavon's hair. I might even get my hair braided. Cheese has this thing called Instagram, and "likes" to "go live" on it all of the time.

A lot of things in my life have changed since I began writing on this space.

A lot of things have also remained the same.

If you are not familiar with or haven't been following my other BLOG , I haved lived in Los Angeles, California for the majority of the last 2 years. While I spent a lot of time in Santa Monica, Venice, and Hollywood... I also spent some time in South Central, Watts, and Inglewood as well.

I did a lot of self reflection and spent a lot of time alone in solitude during my time in Los Angeles. I took a lot of 8 hour, 24 hour, and even 72 hour walks.

I walked from the Santa Monica Pier to LAX. I walked from Runyan Canyon to Playa Vista. I walked through South Central, Crenshaw, and Compton.

I once climbed to a restricted area at the top of Baldwin Hills and smoked a blunt while looking at both Hollywood and the ocean at the same time. I stayed on top of the hill until sunset, and watched the sun go down both over the city and over the ocean at the same time.

I didn't take that pic. I learned that from the movie "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty."

Those were some short days. Very short days. That introspection during those walks helped me resolve my duality, learn to accept and live in my truth, and brought me back to my essence.

In essence, that helped me listen to my heart.

After living through and coming to a complete understanding of cancer... understanding the consequences of my actions helped me establish a new personal moral code. In short, those two years of self reflection really helped me understand how to love myself, how to become a man, and how to treat people.

I got to practice being myself at one of the freest places on Earth... Venice Beach, CA. I bought the van I lived in for $100 dollars and a bluetooth speaker. That shit was from Canada. It had a sticker on it that had Japanese symbolism(what up Koi), so I figured it was meant to be.

I drove the van from Echo Park to the Pacific Coast Highway with 3 of my friends at 5am... just so we could see the sunrise. I took some really nice pictures there. I still have those pictures, too. I cannot wait to go back.

Soon.

The van eventually lost its brakes. I wasn't going to put any of the no money I had into a van that was from Canada, that had over 300,000 miles, that I bought from another homeless person.

This homeless OG I used to chop it up with at St. Joseph Homeless Center used to help me move it across the street once a week. He was your typical 61 year old former LA crip turned preacher. We used to pray together before we ate. We would sit together for hours while waiting for our homeless services. We would chop it up at the beach together. He spoke the unfiltered truth to everyone he encountered. He was all the way locked into the butterfly effect... no Mandela effect. He used to stop the van with his feet.

Brother Israel, I will see you soon.

Every morning I woke up while I was homeless, I cried. Every morning I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. While I had healed my cancer, I had severe PSTD. Some days I would just stay in the van and cry while looking at pictures of my children. Eventually I would get over the PTSD, get out of the van, and just start walking.

I haven't cried in a while by the way.

(Edit: 1/19/19 9:12am. I cried this morning. I am good now though.)

I had so much energy and would walk so much because the release of my internal suppression's caused a considerable amount of light to be received by my pineal gland. In layman's terms that means the lies that I stored in my mind needed to be replaced. In a world of opposites, that bundle of lies was replaced by the collective truth.

That is how this "game" is played. What the collective truth is, is the collective consciousness... the ether... the net(so many entendres) of the world. I'm not even going to start with A.I., etymology, or language right now. All I will say for now is that this world, language, and life works in opposites, in reverse, and is fractalized all at the same time. If you tell the truth in this game of life, positivity will lead you in the right direction.

My long and slow walks would eventually lead me to parks to smell roses. Thank you Bernie Durant for always reminding me to... "Always take time to smell the roses." I would go to parks, read, chill under trees, and then to Venice Beach to be as free as I possibly could be.

You can be literally whoever you want to be on Venice Beach, and nobody gives literally one fuck. It is literally the most free place I have ever been on Earth. Egypt comes a close second. Peace and shout out to Elohim.

When I say the homeless people of Venice Beach are free... I mean they are free from the governing of the mental. Govern-mental issues do not concern them. Those people have free minds.

Homeless people who are free make omelettes on the beach. Homeless people who are free sleep on the racquetball courts, in tents on the beach, and even under their art in the street. I cannot conceptualize the level of freedom of fear a person has to have to be physically able to sleep under homelessness conditions. Ironically, I have gotten some really good sleep on occasion while being home free.

Homeless people that have lost it all but have found a way to get back on their feet after surviving HELL have a level of freedom, awareness, lack of self preservation, lack of judgment, lack of guilt, and lack of concern for anything up to including their own death.

Homeless people have a level of freedom that cannot be paid for, given to, or bought. You have to walk into a homeless shelter, write your full name on a form, provide an ID if you have one, and look another man in the eyes and admit to him that you are homeless, you have nothing, and that you need help.

I thought through all of my options. I was smart enough to commit crime. I was really smart. I could have been super manipulative and lived with people for free just so they could be around my energy. Instead of doing any of those things, I decided to do the right thing and go to the homeless shelter.

Thank you Karen Jean Kostic for raising me the right way, and for teaching me to how make the right choice for myself in each moment. Those lessons would in turn benefit myself and our family in the long run.

I didn't always do that. I did not always listen to you. I used to do the wrong thing, which took me down the wrong path. I paid for it with my karma. I endured my pain. It was deserved.

I did more good than bad though, which is one of the reasons why I am still here. The good that Koi and Maecee received from me was a direct reflection of the good that I received from you.

Thanks Mom.

I bonded with the homeless people on Venice Beach. Shout out to Tony, Malik, Marcus, and the rest of the homeless regulars there. I got to practice and learn how to be my true self around people who were being their true selves. When you are around people who are fully expressive through art, sports, music, dance, dialogue, song, and culture... it is a beautiful thing. It makes you want to be fully expressive too.

I would spend 8, 24, and 72 consecutive 24 hour days and nights at Venice Beach. I literally spent months healing there. I couldn't write a blog post, make a documentary, or make a movie long enough that could detail all of my experiences on both Venice Beach and in Los Angeles in general. All I will say is that the city of Angels has some "magic" in it, and I am forever grateful to GOD that I decided to stop general and conventional cancer treatment in favor of a direct homeopathic person centered approach.

After I settled down after long workouts on Venice Beach, I would smoke a blunt, do yoga, drink water, smoke another blunt, and go to the Venice Public Library to write.

What I was doing was stretching and breaking my brain, so it would grow back stronger. I also do that with my heart. We all do that with our muscles at the gym every day. I figured breaking my mind and my heart every day would make me stronger, because that is what I did with my muscles every day. I was right.

I was straching my brain with air, so my brain could receive and trap more light.

I was breaking my brain with the pain of my truth, and rebuilding it with the positive energy I received from the light.

I would then need to rest.

When I would wake up, I would then be regenerated and reinvigorated.

Before I smoked my medicine, I always set an intention. I wold ask for love, health, and peace. I also smoked in safe spaces. I wanted to make sure my mind would receive a specific type of pure energy when I opened up my chakras. You actually can give away energy during this process too. I'm not even going to open up that can of worms(pause) right now.

Necesito mas amigos que hablen español.

After I completed my intentional meditations I would then write about what my intentions were, because that is the type of information I would intuitively receive from my meditations.

I love history and culture. History was my first major at East Stroudsburg University, because I was so interested in it.

While I was reshaping myself and my moral code as a man during these months of solitude at this level of freedom, I spent many long hours at the library as a broke and homeless man trying to figure out what to do with my life after losing literally everything I had ever worked to build... both the good and the bad... for telling a small yet very important piece of my untold truth.

I wasn't all that bad, yet that is how it was received.

(Edit 1/19/19 My actions were evil. I had the devil in me. I had to get the devil out of me, which is what I tried to do in the dark. I had to meet the devil in the dark. The devil told me that the only way to free yourself is to tell your truth in the light. That is what I did. That is what it took for me to heal, and to truly be free)

Did I really want to be free? What was freedom anyway? Was freedom worth risking everything?

Everything, everything... up to and including my life?

The answer is yes.

At its deepest level, slavery was a choice. Kanye was right. At it's deepest level there could have been a bunch of dead Africans rather than a bunch of African American Slaves.

Africans were coerced and manipulated to chose slavery over death.

This was my only life. My mental and physical freedom is everything to me.

My peace of mind is worth more and is more important than money or compromising my freedom.

I then intuitively ran into and read the book "Escape from Freedom" by psychologist Erich Fromm.

That book helped me take an even deeper look at freedom.

While homeless in Los Angeles I did a really deep personal study of the evolution of history, in an attempt to discover a universal truth about the evolution of world culture.

I started with American culture. My research and life experiences have led me to believe that American culture is intentionally and inherently biased. I am not saying that all white people understand, intentionally perpetuate, or support the negative perpetuation of that American culture. I am being specific with my language. What I am saying is that I believe that the predominant themes in American Culture are intentionally and inherently racist.

In 2019, you can be any race and be an American that perpetuates this inherently racist American culture.

Racism is not only about skin color, race, or even class in the year 2019.

Racism has everything to do with intention.

Black and White is really representative of Truth and Lies.

If you represent a culture that perpetuates negativity, exploitation, lies, and hate... and you have that energy attach itself to you for your validation... that means you are socially white, that you perpetuate racism, and that you need black(true) people to represent your self created "white" lied filled illusion.

If you represent a culture that perpetuates positivity, self sustainability(stop calling it work), truth, and love... you are socially black, you perpetuate love, and people of all races/genders/classes would want to join your newly created culture because it emanates love, peace, and freedom... due to the fact that it was derived from pure intentions through the means of your intuitive free creative expression.

I am not making the claim that all "social white people"(people who tell white lies in an effort for social acceptance) are intentionally and inherently racist(intentional white liars), or are intentionally and inherently bad. I do not believe that. There are some white people that have been conditioned to act out certain patterns by their parents, peers, and cultures. That applies to all races and genders.

There are some "social white people"(people of ALL races) who are just ignorant. They have not been given the information to see, hear, or understand the truth. They have been conditioned to fear and avoid truths that they do not understand, so they do not seek truth. Most people under these conditions don't even know there is another truth to be sought.

There are some people who know that there is more truth out there to be had, but they would rather be willfully ignorant and settle with false truths that they have forced themselves to fall in love with and believe in. That is still racism. Those are white(white liar) principles.

Then you have people who know the pure truth, pretend to be the truth, look like the truth, and speak the "truth'... yet use what they know in an occult(occult means hidden) way to intentionally exploit and manipulate people.

Those people are literally the dEVIL.

Racism at its essence is false love, and false truth.

There are many "white people" who are pure (like my mother) who do not understand yet who unintentionally perpetuate (unlike my mother) a culture that is bad for the majority of the masses. These pure white people do not participate in cultural racism that is interwoven into society. They look the same physically as the people who do, but mentally they are not the same people.

Pure white people do not live by racist white people principles, and have pure love for all people that have truthful personalities... regardless of their physical race. Again... I do not believe that all "social white people" are intentionally bad. What I do believe though is that there is systematic oppression and intentional racism woven into the culture and language of the "United States" that makes good honest people who blindly follow cultural norms unintentionally bad. That oppression and those ideals are perpetuated through the culture via the law, media, stereotypes, archetypes... and most importantly the water of society by "impure social white people."

Again, we as humans are all %70 percent water. As humans we all breathe air for 24 hours a day. Air is broken down into water. That means we as humans are literally all walking containers of water living in a thinner form of water, separated between the air of the earth and the water of our bodies by only our physical skin.

We aren't separated by color in reference to race. We are separated by color in reference to the emotion that we absorb through our chakras into our bodies.

A lot of us are holding in a lot of white lies that have collectively become a lifetimes worth of suppressed energy. One of my meditation experiences in both of "The Death of a Cancer Patient" books abstractly described this. Dedicating energy to holding in a loop of lies prevents the body from receiving the truth... which was the reason for sickness and the deterioration of my health, and is the reason for the deteriorating health of a dying(lying) population.

When we speak, we are literally moving water. Words and spoken language are the most important things on this Earth. That is because water holds emotion, words carry emotion, and the right combination of words heard the right way can literally cast a "spell" on a person.

Stay with me.

If you don't get something I say right away, you may need to read it again.

The people who think money controls this world are wrong. Water controls this world. I can explain it by using language in reference to water to explain money.

Stay with me.

Water runs along the side of river "banks." That is why the place that holds money is called a "BANK." Banks hold "liquid" assets, currency(currents of the sea)... and cash flow.

friendSHIP, SponserSHIP, scholarSHIP, internSHIP, championSHIP... everything revolves around water.

Again... water holds emotion.

That means everything revolves around emotion... e-Motion... or energy in motion.

Every word in the English language is very carefully constructed. The word spell... you can literally put a "spell" on a person and get someone sick with the right(or wrong) combination of words. The word curse... you can literally put a "curse" on someone when you curse at them. Why? It is because the person receiving the words(swords) is hearing a combination of sounds at a very specific negative frequency or vibration via a carefully created manipulative language. People are receiving negative emotion and dirty water from "curses" that were transferred to them from people with "ill" intentions, all without them even knowing it.

With all of that being said... I firmly believe that the foundation of modern American culture was created, constructed, and is controlled in the United States by European white people.

Not Russians.

The intentions of the founders of this nation were to create a government and system that promotes, maintains, and perpetuates Eurocentric White Anglo Saxon Protestant ideals.

Those are really Nazi principles.

Nazi's still run modern American culture.

Not Russians

There are two types of Nazi's.

There are Nazi's who stand for the truth,  and there are Nazi's who aim to cover the truth.

That is where the game gets tricky. You are never really sure who is a pure white person and who isn't, and are never really sure what "white" person have the best intentions.

This is just me speaking from my heart. I am not attempting to offend anyone. I am just speaking my truth.

Even though America has become much more diverse in the last 400 years, the system was set up in a way that the ancestors and lineage of the founding fathers would always maintain control. Those people are... white. Over the course of time and history, that is exactly what has happened.

Whiteness, liberty, and "white lies" prevailed.

Not 'blackness." Not freedom. Not truth.

What does that mean for me as a black(truthful) man in America in 2019?

All things considered... the system and the establishment are subconsciously trying to take away my culture, my power, and ultimately my energy.

While taking a hard look at my life, I had the realization that I fell for a lot of the societal traps that were interwoven into the culture of the United States. I subconsciously perpetuated European ideals by desiring, chasing, and achieving an American Dream that was created by Europeans in attempt to ultimately control, exploit, and suppress the energy of the black(truthful) people of this county.

What that means is our "govern-ment(al)" is attempting to control, exploit, and oppress the majority of peoples emotions in this country.

What that means is the smartest people or "en"light"ened" ones are attempting to control the water in this country.

That is what happens in the human body. The light(awareness) from our pineal glands helps us perceive the water(emotion) held in our bodies. If our own darkness blocks our light, that darkness will distort our truth.

That is why Harvard wants to block the sun. They want to block the truth. They know the answer to global warming. They know the answer to cancer. I know the answer to both of those, as well as many other people. They know the answer to everything.

The masses receive a distorted truth. The masses receive lies in plain sight. A very small number of public and hidden "white" run "minority" businesses like Harvard are intentionally keeping the truth for themselves, for profit, and using their prestige to pass off their lies as truths. They do this to promote the false lies that education, a career, and "safety" are the keys to happiness. All of those things are in place to keep the system going, and to keep the people oppressed.

The truth is that the educational system in the Untited States is based off of personal assimilation, careers are slavery, and safety is bondage.

The educational system in this country is a business before it is anything else.

When I was in kindergarten I was asked... "What do I want to be when I grow up?"

When I was asked that question at 4 years old, all I wanted to do was play.

I did not want to work for 5 days a week, for 40 hours a week, for 50 years of my life at any point in my life.

The educational system in this country plants seeds of fear in children at an early age. The fact that children think they need to "be something" when they grow up will lead them on a never ending quest of unfulfillment.

If you control what the majority of other people talk about, you control what the majority of people think about. If you control what people think about, you control what people will do.

If you control what people talk about, think about, and do... you control what type of water and emotion flows through the air, into the ether, and into the human body. You literally control the world.

Clouds are thoughts. Rain is the release of that emotion.

Every bodily fluid that ever leaves and comes into the body is simply a different combination of emotions.

A "sea" holds water.

Can you "see" the correlations between water, light, emotions, and thoughts yet?

We are all living inside of a collective dream.

"Row, row, row your boat... gently down the stream..."

I eventually realized that the "American Dream" I achieved was never really my dream. I also realized that my success in the culture I was participating in actually did more harm than good, due to the fact that the majority of people that envied me and who participated in the rat race that was attempting to relentlessly climb the corporate ladder of American culture would not beat me. If I won the game of Coorporate America and looked good doing it, that in itself would encourage other pure black(truthful) people to play an already rigged game.

That is why jackpot winners at casinos, professional sports players, and celebrities are idolized. Pure people are intentionally coerced to use energy in an attempt to chase and model those false truths.

Those people are all not perfect.

The odds are that most people will not hit the jackpot at the casino, become pro sports players, or live their life as celebrities. The odds of all of reaching perfection is minimal. If we have a society of people comparing themselves to a select few in an unfulfilling way, we are left with a society full of sick people.

That is why the population of the people in this country are sick today. We are all stuck comparing everything we have, everything we think, and everything we do with each other. If we aren't better than whatever we are comparing our lives to, we think we are failures. That is not the true.

The fact that I won the rat race had people wanting to do what I did because I looked successful in the eyes of a society filled with lies. Again, my success actually did more bad than good to the pure intentions of pure black(truthful) people.

When I took a hard look in the mirror I realized that I was more worried about my place in a culture of hedonism than understanding who I was and understanding the positives of both my black and white ancestral cultural lineages. When I took a hard look at my ego, personality, and patterns... I knew I had to make some real changes in my life.

I fell in love with labels that brought social status, money, and the pursuit of the American Dream. I eventually got the labels, social status, money... and ultimately achieved the American dream. I had all of the Supreme I wanted up to and including the black box logo hoodie... aka the black diamond.

I have had it all.

Once I achieved all of the pursuits included in the American dream, I realized that what I was doing wasn't what I loved. I realized that I chased and achieved a cultural dream that I was subconsciously coerced to chase... and never chased or even figured out what my true dream or true love was. I never figured out what I loved. I was told I was supposed to chase money and feel important by everyone in to order to receive love. I got the money and became important, but that brought me a lot of fake love. I fell in love with mentors, celebrities, and other people who perpetuated white racist ideals that I did not believe in. I fell in love with people who pretended to be real on the outside but were really fake on the inside.

The process of chasing the American Dream made me forget who I really was on the inside, and also made me begin to hate who I was on the outside. I also realized that I only needed to be loved by my family, a few friends, and one pure woman. I no longer needed the validation of a world full of people who lived their lives based on using and profiting off of the energy of the masses by telling white lies.

Even though most people in the United States would have looked at my life as a success if I would have died of cancer at 36 years old... a part of who I would have been remembered as would have been a lie.

I didn't whole heartedly believe in the work I did, the value of the material things that I obtained, and my place on the social scale as a result of what I accomplished. My career choices were predominately motivated by money. The material items that I bought felt cheap when I realized that I would associate my personal value to the cost of those items. I no longer cared about my place on the social scale of society due to understanding that my place in society was based on vanity, rather than based on the unquantifiable value that I brought to the world.

I then went back to my personal self reflection. While my mothers race is white... my fathers race is black. I have a really respectable black family that is from the deep south in Georgia. I took pride in looking at photos of my black grandfather dressed in a clean suit standing next to my black grandmother in a beautiful dress in pictures that looked like they were taken in the 70's. They were the matriarch and patriarch of a literal village.

MLK, Malcolm X, Muhammad Ali, Bernard Durant, and Huey P. Newton are all men that I look up to, and are men who stood for equality while maintaining their blackness. When I came to the understanding of how American culture operated, who I was, and the history of pure black(truthful) people... my heritage and maintaining a certain level of blackness became increasingly important to me.

I then thought about everything that is going on today in America with our government, this new wave of covert racism, and all of the other social tension in the ether of society. All of that made me want to be an even stronger black(truthful) man, while simultaneously upholding the true respectable AFRICAN-AMERICAN heritage even more.

I then went back to my time in Africa. I never felt more respected. I never felt more free. The air, the culture, the history, the food, the freedom, the love... it was all me. I cannot explain the feeling of being in Africa... A F R I C A ... as a black person. It made me feel whole, full, and complete. It seriously changed my life.

I am both African, AND American. If I want to go back to Africa, I can and I will. That is where where my lineage began. On the flip side of that... it was my African-American ancestors that built the foundation of what is now known as the United States. If I want to go anywhere in the United States, I can and will do that too. I will not let a culture controlled by white supremacy(white lies) and fear control me. 

During my time spent in America going forward... I am no longer going to serve, perpetuate, or be a slave to the Eurocentric WASP foundation of a nation and a culture that is controlled by "white" Nazi ideals.

Simply put... I am not going to continue to let a seemingly harmless culture filled with white lies take any more of my energy. I no longer care about receiving approval from anyone other than myself and a close few. I am complete, right now. I don't need to be validated by everyone, especially from people who may appear perfect on the outside but who really aren't pure on the inside.

I am going to continue to work on myself, and continue to get better. I am my only competition. I went from being Kyle E. Watson in Above the Rim... to 2pac... to the no name security guard who just shot around by himself and dropped gems on students and players when he got their ears and their attention.

The main character in that movie could play the game and win if he wanted to... but he didn't want everything that came with the game. All he wanted to do was provide resources and positive information to the next generation of pure people, in an effort to help them achieve their pure and true dreams in whatever game of life that they are playing. .

That is what I want to do.

I am also going to continue to spread truth, love, and ideals that are beneficial to the collective. I really want to have a positive effect on history, culture, and people not only for the rest of my life, but long after I am gone as well.

While I am going to continue to work with my family and continue to share best practices, the work that I have already done will never stop bringing value to the world. From now until the end of time people will be able to pick up my books or read my blog, and be able to use how I healed to heal themselves.

Understanding cancer, physical, and mental health will never go out of style. My blogs and my books are going to provide value to the world until the end of time. I am at peace with what I have done as a human. I am fulfilled.

I am complete right now. I do not want to die, but I am prepared to die right now. If I were to die today, I would be OK with how my life turned out. I built an amazing family. I found myself, fell in love with my imperfect self, and created something tangible as a result of my self discovery that will forever bring value to the world. I am good.

Art and archetypes last forever. Health and humanity will too. The end of time and the end of the era of humanity is NOT happening. The end of "time" and the beginning of an era of humility and truth is about to happen. This new age is being represented by the age of Aquarius, the 5th dimension, and an era of truth.

More water, more truth.

In understanding what I have learned though my experiences throughout my lifetime... I feel like the most effective way to change a culture is to heal the people of the culture. I feel like my understanding of water, people, and the person centered approach to health that I used to heal myself is eventually going to help me heal people. I believe that what I have learned and know to be true can heal an entire culture and the entire world.

I am already doing it.

Why NOT me?

I can tell you what the Halls of Amenti, the Akashic records, and the ethernet look like. My mind has been there. I have lived through Dimethyltryptamine and had real life esoteric experiences through cancer that most humans will never have. I have literally left my body, became the world for a short period of time, and intuitively decided to come back into my body. Most people don't receive a terminal cancer diagnosis, turn around and get into the best shape of their life, and then write two books about how they healed. Other than to be there for my children... that is why I came back into my body. I was chilling in the light, but I had more work to do in the water.

I promise you that I know what I am talking about, and that my mind has been pretty much as far as the human mind can go. There are some things that I say that you may just have to believe, because my mind has been to places that few minds have been to and come back from.

I am just grateful to have found a place of balance, love and peace in my mind and in my body on January 19, 2019.

Even with that, it is my responsibility to keep going. I cannot stop. I just need to pace myself in my pursuit of knowledge. I took a bite of an apple that was on the tree of knowledge. I took the red pill. I can't stop now. I owe it to the collective.

There are people who I can talk to today about certain things that I wrote about that I couldn't talk to about in a previous time. People are reading, absorbing, and understanding my writing, my results, and my intentions. It is my responsibility to keep going, to keep pushing myself, and to keep bringing positive information, pure emotion, and blue water back to this world.

For the rest of my life I want to help pure people preserve, honor, and maintain all of the positive aspects of their cultures and of themselves.... while simultaneously being able to respect, honor, and coexist with other people who have cultural norms that some people may not identify with. If we all can maintain a certain level of respect, lead with love, and continue to learn about each other... a new culture with a foundation of love, peace, and acceptance can become the new normal. In that world everyone can still be themselves, and still be happy.

That is how you fix racism in 2019. You listen to your blackness(truth, black heart), let it shine through the pure green emotion(love) from your heart(chakra), and express yourself through pure blue(truthful) emotion and your throat chakra via words. Some of us have to go deeper into our inherently biased hearts to find that truth... but I promise you that universal truth is buried DEEP inside of us all.

Simply put, telling the truth is the key to healing. We all have the truth in our hearts. We all just have to dig deep to find it.

That is all I have for now.

It is now 10:31am on 1/19/19. I am done editing, and done trying to make this perfect for now. I am happy with my self expression today. I am going to go take a walk.

There is snow on the ground and it is cold outside, but I don't care. The cold air doesn't even bother me anymore.

Talk to you later.

Peace

Love,

Kyle