The Program...

Not many people understand what it takes to run a high school basketball program, especially at an inner city school. I wanted to take this opportunity to give some insight on what it is really like.

From the outside looking in, it seems easy. It seems like all you have to do is get the kids in shape, teach them some plays, and watch them perform on gameday. In reality, it is so much more than that. There are so many different situations that have to be dealt with, even before the kids step on the court. A lot of these kids come from low income, single parent households. A lot of these kids come with baggage. When these kids become a part of the program, you not only become their coach, but you become their counselor, mentor, academic advisor, and father figure. They really become your kids.

In my 3 years on the staff, we have dealt with all kinds of situations. Babysitting is always a big issue. In one instance, we had a kid who had the responsibility of watching his little brothers and sisters as a 10Th grader. His mom worked a middle shift, just so the family could remain poor. Yea... remain poor. There was no dad in the house, so it was on him to watch them, feed them, and make sure all of their homework was done. He was a good kid who was very soft spoken, and a very hard worker on the basketball court. He never took for granted the opportunity to be a part of a high school program, and it showed in the effort and energy he played with. He loved it. He was the type of player and the type of kid every coach would want on their team. Well one day I get a phone call, saying he was caught in school with multiple bags of weed. It's sad because I know he was a good kid, who was kind of forced into that situation. He felt like it was his responsibility to provide for his little brothers and sisters, by any means necessary. He ended up being off the team, out of school, and in the juvenile detention. So it was left to us as coaches to try explain the situation to the rest of the kids, as well as to try educate them on the consequences of drugs and drug dealing.

That situation is one of many that I have had to deal with as a coach. We had a kid who ran away from a group home(he was later found and returned to the team). We had a kid who was forced to live in a shelter, because his mother was dealing with domestic abuse issues with her live in boyfriend. We had a kid who was released from prison, who needed permission from his probation officer to practice at certain times(he also had to wear an ankle bracelet). The issues go on... and on... and on... and on and on. Every day before practice, we have a meeting in the coaches room to discuss the practice plan for that evening. Most of the time in those meetings usually ends up being spent talking about what issues occurred in school that day, or about a situation a kid is dealing with in their personal life. There is always something.

It takes a resilient group of men to be able to handle all of these situations. Doug Snyder, Bob Freed, Mark Smurda, Mike Kaminski, and Dan Freed are just that. They are a great group of men who take on every challenge they are faced with. The salary they are paid doesn't even come close to justifying the time and sacrifice they put in when it comes to the program. When we have morning games on weekends, coaches spend their own money to get the kids breakfast bars and juice, because they know in most cases there is no food in the home. At summer league tournaments, there is always an abundance of hot dogs and drinks for the kids to enjoy. Every night after practice coaches leave with a car full of kids who have no rides home. On multiple occasions, coach Snyder(head coach) paid for all of the kids to attend college basketball games in which one of the former players from the program was playing. (He took them to see Darnell and Ray, both of which I spoke of previously). The staff participates in numerous fundraising activities to raise money for the kids to go to camps that they wouldn't have otherwise been able to afford. Anytime a kid needs anything, the staff is always there to help. That goes for every kid. The star of the varsity gets the same treatment as the worst kid on the freshman team. They will do anything to give every kid the opportunity to be successful. Not just successful when it comes to the game of basketball, but successful in life as well.

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The work doesn't stop when a kid graduates either. Coaches take former players on college visits, job interviews, and in a few instances have helped them get jobs within the school system. Just about a week ago coach Snyder actually drove one of the kids to his college campus for the move in process, because that child's parents were unavailable. The job never ends.

After all of the distractions are settled, the coaches always put a good team out on the court. Year after year the team is one of the best in the area. Whenever the coaches are questioned about the success of the team, or the success of an individual player, they give the kids all of the credit. They never mention the struggle and adversity they have to deal with on a day to day basis. It is all about the kids and the program, and not the coach. I love that. Coach Snyder has been offered jobs for him and his staff at other schools, but he always turns them down. Even though these schools have wonderful facilities and no economic issues, he stays loyal to his kids and his program. He finds it more rewarding to help our kids, which are the kids who need it the most. Not just to help them become better basketball players, but to help them become better young men.

I am honored to be a part of the program. I have picked up so much in the 3 years I have been on the staff. I learned a lot when it comes to coaching, but I also learned how to deal with multiple personalities and situations. When you see a child benefit from your influence, it makes all of the hard work and sacrifice worth while. The experience has been an invaluable one, and I look forward to being a part of the program for many years to come.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Sand...

We are like sand on the beach. We... as in me and you. Once all of the garbage on the beach is sifted away, all that's left is the sand. Once we escape all that is going on in the world, all that's left is me and you. We are molded together so we can co-exist, and after a while we begin to bond. We become one. We work with each other to form a strong foundation for something with purpose, something bigger than ourselves. We are then smoothed out and touched up for all to see. We are beautiful. We started out as sand, but we have joined together to become a sandcastle. We started out as me and you, but we have come together to become us.

When sandcastles are done right, they look great. They look strong, stable, and secure. In reality though, it is all a facade. They are fragile. They are weak. It seems like no matter how much work you put into one, they will never last. At any given moment they can collapse, or the tide could rise and make our sandcastle fall.

So why do we take so much time, and put so much effort into making sandcastles... over and over and over again... if we know they aren't built to last? There is only one reason. We do it for her. We do it for the happy little girl at the beach, who is holding a bucket and some tools, ready to help build something great. She loves sandcastles, especially the one that she completes. After all of the hard work is done and it all comes together, she gets so happy. She shows it off, takes pictures with it, and just enjoys what we worked so hard to create.

Now without fail, the sand will eventually become dry, become weak, and the sandcastle will fall. So what do we do? We rebuild it. We have to. We don't want to let her down. The little girl is so young, so beautiful, and so optimistic. We will do anything to keep her happy. Even though we know it won't last, we help her anyway. It takes a lot of time and effort to keep us together, even for a short period of time. It breaks, we rebuild, it breaks, we rebuild. We get hot, we get dry, and we get tired, but we never let her see it. We have to do our best to appear strong... for her. The smile she has when we are together, makes the hard work and sacrifice really worth it.

This process has been going on long enough. It is time for a change. I'm tired of being sand. Not tired of just me being sand, but tired of us being sand. We have to start over. We have to really start over. We need to take our time and build one last castle that is not only beautiful, but one that will last. Not just for the little girl, but for us as well. The little girls will alone isn't going to keep us together forever. We have the blueprint, we just have to tweak it. Instead of being sand, we need to become concrete. We have to make sure our foundation is strong. We have to make sure we build something that can withstand any storm, as well as withstand the test of time. We have to build something that the little girl, as well as ourselves can always admire, and always count on.

If we don't become concrete and choose to remain sand, it is going to wear us down. It is going to wear us out. We will keep crumbling, and eventually we won't have the strength or the will to rebuild what we once had. The tide will come and take what was once so promising, so beautiful and so special... and wash it all away.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Happy Birthday Maecee...

On July 20th was my daughters birthday. She just turned 4. On Sunday we had a little birthday party for her, and yesterday we took her to the beach.

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Maecee is my baby. All of the time I hear men talk about how are scared to have a daughter... but they have no idea what they are missing. I have Koi and I love him just as much, but having a daughter it is a different kind of love. She is just so precious, so sweet, so smart, and sooo funny! She is like my best friend, and I am so happy we are so close. We have great conversations and we have a great bond. When I get off of work, there are days where I am physically and mentally exhausted. Despite that, the instant I see her I get this feeling of joy and excitement that comes over me. I may not feel like playing, or drawing, or going to the park, but when I look into her eye's and I realize she has been waiting for this moment all day, I know that I can't let her down. I love her, and I pour my heart and my soul into her. There are times where I just sit back and look at her and say to myself... "wow, that is my baby girl." I am just so lucky to have her, and so proud to be her father. Happy birthday Maecee.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

My first love...

I love her. I still love her. When me and her are together, I don't even consider it cheating. Only with her though. I mean... I did know her first? She was my first love you know? I know I'm grown and I know I am in a relationship, but I just can't let her go. I know for some this may be hard to understand, so I will try to do my best to explain...

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When I was young, I would always see her around my way. At first, I never gave her much thought. Probably because I was little, she was older, and she mostly hung with the big kids. Most of my time was spent playing Nintendo, or playing football at the park. We would see each other in passing, and I would never give her a second glance. My mom used to laugh at me because she knew when I got older, I would start to like her. She was right.

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One day I just happened to be at my friends house... at the same time she was there. My friend Will introduced me to her. I was shy at first, but after a while I opened up and we started to play together. She was cool... cooler than I expected. When I left his house that night, she came with me. I had a lot of fun walking her home. It was dark out, and there would be times that I would lose her. She would make me chase her to get her back. She had me intrigued, and I wanted to get to know all about her after that.

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From that day on, we would start to spend a lot of time together. I would walk her to school, take her to the park, the pool, everywhere. We used to chill in front of my house all of the time... just me and her. My mom would get mad because she said we made too much noise. I was just trying to get to know her, trying to get a better feel for her. The more time we spent together, the more comfortable with her I became. I would take her out back to the parking lot and show her off. The other kids would always try to steal her from me. They couldn't though, because I had a good handle on her. I had game. If at any point I felt threatened by them, I would just tell her to bounce, and we would be gone. When they realized they couldn't take her, they started hating on me. They tried to block me, but somehow I would always get over.

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When I got to high school, there was more competition for her. Me and her were still close, but she did spend time with others as well. That was fine with me, because I knew I would always catch her on the rebound. Plus I spent time flirting with others and doing my own thing. I had other relationships that in some people's eyes were better for me... but I didn't care. They said was I was crazy for not putting my all into those. I tried, but it just wasn't there. Those other relationships may have been a better fit for me, but she was always my favorite. My heart was with her.

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When I went to college we took a year off, then got back together. This time it was serious. It was all about her. All of my time was dedicated to improving our relationship. Sure she would give me money and take me places... but there were also times where she would become stressful, and more of a burden on me than anything else. I think I was just too young to really understand the opportunity I had with her. Those were some of the best times of my life, but I didn't want to work hard to obtain them anymore. After 2 steady years, I let her go.

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That leads me today. She is still around, but we can never be as serious as we once were. I have a wife now. Another love interest would just complicate things. She is still important to me, but she plays a different role in my life now. I like to sit back and watch her, instead of trying to be with her all of the time. Since I know her well, I try to teach others as much as I can about her, so maybe they can benefit from the opportunities she brings. There are still a few times a week I get away to see her, especially in the summer. Just being with her takes me to a better place in my mind. When we are together she has my full undivided attention, and I couldn't care less about anything else going on in the world.

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Nani knows that I go see her sometimes. She doesn't like it, because she says it takes away from our time together. Now Nani knows that I'm all hers, but she still can't seem to understand why I associate with an old love interest. She always says... "it's only basketball... it's only a game." NO. Basketball is much more than that to me. We have a past. We have history. She is my passion. Basketball taught me how to be generous, be disciplined, and use perseverance. For those reasons, I don't think I will be able to fully ever let her go.

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Me and basketball will never get back what we once had, and that's ok. I am just thankful to still have her in my life in some way, shape, or form. I still work out at the gym, so I can be at my best when I play in recreation league games. I am an assistant high school basketball coach in the winter. I don't play in rec leagues to see if I still have it. I don't coach for money. I do it for the love. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who I am today. She is and she will always be... my first love.

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And I'm sorry mom for dribbling the ball in front of the house all of the time, making all that noise.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Champions...

The Los Angeles Lakers and Kobe Bryant are the 2008-2009 NBA champions. I am a Lakers fan, so this is a great time for me. I know a lot of people who claim to be Lakers fans, but I have been a Lakers fan for a long, long, time.

Growing up about 50 miles north of Philadelphia, I was a big Temple basketball fan. In the early 90's, Eddie Jones(who played for Temple) was my favorite player. When he was drafted by the Lakers, by default they became my favorite team. Not too many people can say they became a Lakers fan after Magic and Kareem... and before Shaq and Kobe, but I can. I remember Eddie, Nick Van Excel, Elden Campbell, Cedric Ceballos, and Vlade Divac. Those were my Lakers.

Then in 1996-1997, we signed Shaquille O'Neal as a free agent, and we traded for Kobe Bryant. Expectations went through the roof. I didn't like Kobe at first. He seemed cocky and selfish, and he was trying to take my man Eddie Jones spot. After a year or two, he earned my respect. I saw how hard he worked, and I saw his appreciation for the game. Even though my favorite player Eddie Jones would end up being traded, the Lakers were still my team.

Fifteen years, a three-peat, break up, rebuilding process, and one title later, I'm still here. Even after Kobe is gone, I will continue to support the Lakers. I just wanted to congratulate the Lakers on winning the title this year, and hopefully I will be making another championship post next time this year.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Puerto Rico...

Me and Nani(I know the correct way to phrase it would be Nani and I... but I don't care) just came back from vacation in Puerto Rico. We went to celebrate our anniversary and her birthday. We stayed at the Intercontinental San Juan Resort and Casino, which is one of the biggest and most beautiful resorts on the island. We visited the El Yunque Rainforest, Old San Juan, and Plaza Las Americas(largest mall in the Caribbean) We ate good food, relaxed on the beach, went jet skiing in the Atlantic Ocean, swam in the pool, and gambled in the Casino. I also got a chance to see my friend Ray who plays professional basketball for the Bayamon Cowboys down there, and chill at his oceanfront condo.

My favorite part of the trip was when we went to Nani's aunt's house. It felt good leaving the resort and getting the authentic puerto-rican experience. Her aunt and uncle had a simple two bedroom home in a nice quiet neighborhood. Their yard had palm trees, a mango tree, coconut tree, and a guava tree... among others. They also had a garden with some of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. Her family cooked for us, and got Nani a cake for her birthday. I don't speak much Spanish and they don't speak much English(I am half black/half white for the record)... but we still managed to vibe and have a good time. The atmosphere was really good. It was refreshing being around good people who were happy living humble lives, and who weren't consumed with trying to chase the American Dream. I loved it.

Here are some pictures...

View from the hotel room

Me at a hotel lounge area

Old San Juan

El Yunque Rainforest

Nani with titi Vonne and tio Willie(good people)

Nani's cousin Vanessa and her son Angelo who isn't looking

titi Vonne's friends Alex and Carlos(these guys are hilarious)

This flower/plant was picked from titi Vonne's yard. The picture does not do it justice. It is AMAZING in person

me with Nani's glasses on at the beach

Nani

and at the end of the beach there was this...

Overall the trip was great... better than I could have ever expected. If you are looking for somewhere to go to unwind and have a good time, I definitely recommend Puerto Rico. We will be going back in October for an extended stay because we couldn't get enough.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Birthday...

I wanted to take the time out to wish my friend Tramell a happy birthday today. Unfortunately I will not be able to do that in person. You see, Tramell is in prison. Earlier this year he was convicted of multiple counts of bank robbery. He has not be sentenced yet, but his charges carry a mandatory minimum federal prison sentence of 32 years.

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Now if you are reading this and you don't know Tramell, you may think he is a horrible person. Well I know Tramell better than most people in this world, and I can tell you he is far from it. He is a good person with a good heart... who just made some bad decisions. I am in no way trying to justify what he was convicted of, but I know he was going through a lot before he got into his situation. His little brother died of leukemia at 19, his other little brother was locked up, and he had multiple other issues going on in his life.

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Me and Tramell go waaaay back. We grew up together. It was me, Tramell, Josh, and Shannon. We all came from the same situation. None of us had a father... and our families were poor. We all loved basketball, girls, and we loved to gamble. When you seen one of us, you would see all of us. We were like brothers. When I look back at the things we have been through together... I can't help but smile. Our maturation from boys to men is the topic of the book that I am writing. We always said that if we made a movie about the things we did one day, nobody would believe us. Well we will see...

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We shared soooo many experiences together. I will never forget...

-us gambling at Stevens park
-us dissing each others mom's (your grandma still be watching wrestling???)
-the first time I dunked at Jordan park and he was HATING
-all of us walking at night into the West End with just a basketball, finding a court with lights, and everyone coming home with a bike
-walking home from Liz house when the sun came up
-you beeper code 11-6
-the time he fell down the hill with the hockey stick
-the time we went to that chick crib with Shannon in Easton and Shannon saying "don't laugh at this chick when you see her"
-Life After Death
-him stealing tapes at the mall and making mad noise while breaking the plastic
-us working at Burger King together for ONE day
-him crashing the car we "found" on Josh's block
-the night at that party in Whitehall... Billy Bob... All Eyez on me... Dina's Diner...
-Shaleese and Tiffany fighting over him, pulling each others hair out in the Annex
-the alley oop I threw him when he dunked on Stephan(still one of the best dunks I have ever seen)
-Coming of Age
-him arguing with Shannon for 5 hours straight in the parking lot behind my crib about EVERYTHING(can you ride bike under water, Kobe vs Vince, hydroplaning, etc.)
-dissing Will at Jamel's crib
-Group with Ms Miller
-3 Renee's
-gambling on new years and not even realizing the new year was upon us
-me messing up his hair cuts
-Saturday mornings playing basketball at the SA
-gambling at Josh's crib for 48 hours straight
-the Central Catholic girls
-me crashing Liz car, and Shannon's uncle Willie locking him out of the house
-the crib in Catty
-Boones
-us playing Madden at the crib on 12th st all day
-Rosie Perez
-all of us buying those jackets on Fulton St and having our names sewn on them
-him throwing Kim's sneakers out of the window
-us watching Shannon cry when the Lakers beat the Blazers
-Kenny
-the Asian chick that played Josh at my crib on 11th st
-us sitting on the porch at midnight... then deciding to go to Ocean City Maryland the next day... with less than a hundred dollars combined and no spare tire in the Camry
-Atlantic City... Atlantic City... Atlantic City

I could go on... and on... and on... and I will one day, but not now. All I can say is I treasure our friendship and the moments we had. Every time me and Shannon talk, we always end up laughing about the things we have been through together. It makes me sad when I realize that we may never all hang out ever again. I know things are hard right now... but I also know if there is anyone mentally tough enough to handle that situation, it is Tramell. Hopefully today he is able to close his eyes, and take himself to a better place in his mind.

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Happy Birthday Tramell. You are my brother. We love you... we miss you... and you will never be forgotten.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Stay...

Don't leave me. I know I was stupid, and I know I did you wrong. Our relationship is the most important thing in my life, and now I realize it. You are so precious. I can't believe I took you for granted, and never took advantage of you the way I should have. It makes me mad when I think about how I did you wrong, and how I managed our relationship so poorly. I wish I could make it up to you, but I know I will never have that opportunity. So we just move on...

Despite all of that, you were still so good to me. You always kept me fresh, kept me young. I seen you take a toll on some people… stress out others… but I never let you get to me like that. I mean I knew you were important, but the best moments in my life were when I didn't have to worry about you. I would always have fun, be careless, and do my own thing, because I felt like you would always be there for me. I felt like I could always make up with you at some point or another. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Going through life, I started to observe your relationship with others. It made me more conscious of how delicate our relationship was, and made me realize I needed to treat you better. Even though there were moments I would look at you, and you would make me do something I didn't want to do, I still loved you. We would be hand in hand, and then you would leave me. I knew you got around, but I always knew you would come back. I and everyone else had no choice but to kind of accept it. We all played by your rules. One moment you will be around, be abundant showing a lot of love... and then the next moment, you would be up and gone. I couldn't get mad because that's what you do.

I will never forget when you were with my friend Bradley. You two were good together! Brad was the man. Everyone loved and respected him. He was a little reckless, but aren't we all at a young age? I guess you didn't like that. After he got shot, you cheated on him. I wish you would have given him more of yourself, so he could have tried to change and make things better. That's not your style though. You were stubborn, you were cold, and you left him forever.

Tramell misses you too. When we write, he talks about you a lot. You were taken from him, and he hates that. He even fought to get you back, but unfortunately he lost. He said no amount of money, women, or anything else is in this world is worth giving up for you. I wish you and him could just have one day alone together. There is a possibility that one day you and him will re-unite, but unfortunately that day won't be for a long, long while.

As for me... you made me mature, and I thank you for that. You taught me a lot. In a way, me wasting my early experiences with you was good. It made me appreciate you, and helped shape me into who I am today. It helped me understand how to handle you, and helped me prepare for what I hope is a long future together. I know a long future together isn't promised, so you also influence me to live for the day. I realize you are everything to me. I also realize my whole existence is basically nothing to you. That's OK with me though, I have come to accept it. I try to keep up with you the best I can, even though sometimes it seems like you are flying. I'm good for now, but I know the day will come when I can't keep pace, and you will pass me by.

Time… you are of the essence. Thank you for giving some of yourself... to hear me out.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

The Green Family...

Growing up I would always hear a lot about them, even though they didn’t live on my block. The family consisted of five boys named George, Johnny, "A", Al, and Drew, an uncle(I forget his name), and the father whose name is Ben. My mother knew the family, but they weren’t really all that close. They would come visit her sometimes, but wouldn’t stay that long. George would actually come to visit me on my birthdays and sometimes even Christmas, but he wouldn't stay long enough for me to even remember who he was.

Everyone always used to say getting to know the family was important. My mother said the family liked people who were educated. She said I should do well in school, because that will help me build a strong, long lasting relationship with them. She said everybody needed them. She would get sad and act kind of funny when they weren't around. That behavior was kind of weird to me, because I mean me and my friends didn't really know the family, but we were still happy??? We would laugh, we would play, and we weren't worried about getting to know some family who didn't want to be with us. My friends also said there parents had similar feelings towards them. We were kids, we were young, and we just didn't quite understand.

When I was about 13 or 14, I got formally introduced to the boys. My friends always used to play games to determine who the boys would hang out with the most. We would roll dice, play cards, and do almost anything else just to determine who they would stay with. I finally started to understand why everyone wanted to hang with the family. They had the hook up! They took care of a lot of things for you. They could get you sneakers, nice clothes, and they could take you wherever you wanted to go. Even the girls thought you were cooler if you hung with them. The more we hung out and the more we got to know each other, the more I wanted them to stay. Even though we were kind of like friends, we never really got too close. I was too immature, too irresponsible to keep them around. So when I acted careless, they would leave me. When I would realize it, they would already be gone.

As I got older, I started to see how hanging with the Green family became more serious. That’s when I met the father, Ben. Ben was the man, the most powerful and influential member of the family. He was always talked about on TV, on the streets, everywhere. People would lie, cheat, steal, sell drugs, even kill… just so they would have to opportunity to hang with Ben. My best friend wanted to hang with Ben so bad, that he tried to go into the Green residence to kidnap him. He ended up getting caught and went to jail for it. My mother always told me you had to earn your relationship with the family, you couldn't just take it. The Green family was tricky. They kind of had a way of making people think you needed them more that you really did. It wasn’t really there fault though, because they were manipulated by the media and by society in general. Some people kind of get this false sense of entitlement if they have a long relationship with the family. I see people all of the time sacrificing time with there families and loved ones, just so they could work to obtain a stronger bond with the Green's. I mean is this relationship what life is all about?

Now the Green family was cool(especially Ben) and I like when they are around, but going all out for them was never that serious to me. I don’t let my relationship with them consume me, or stress me out like I see it do to others. I have seen it indirectly take over a lot of people’s lives. I am conscious of that, and won't let it take over my own. I have built a strong enough bond to be able to call on them when I need them, but us being close isn’t my ultimate motivation. My relationship with them doesn’t make me who I am. They don’t make me cool. I am cool all by myself. I hate when I see people sacrifice there dignity, time with loved ones, or even there freedom, just for a chance to be closer with them. While we all should all take care of our relationship with the Green family, we should also realize that our other relationships with our own family and friends are the ones that are most important, and at the end of the day the most valuable.

Browsing the pictures of my computer, I was able to find a picture of the Green family portrait I saved...

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

People, technology, and the quality of life...

The quality of life isn’t what it used to be. People aren’t what they used to be. People aren’t as well rounded as they used to be… or should I say as they used to HAVE to be. I love technology, and while I feel like there are many obvious benefits in the advancement in technology, there are also many not so obvious drawbacks. Technology has made people lazy. Some of the ways technology is used has kind of taken away from the "authenticity" of life. If a lot of technologies just suddenly disappeared, a lot of people wouldn’t know how to survive. They wouldn’t know what to do. Try to understand what I am trying to say...

When there was no TV, man had to do be creative in what they did to occupy there time. More time was spent reading, in conversation, and participating in activities. This time made people’s relationships better, got people more educated, kept people in better shape, and created an overall more thorough human being. Now people spend hours on end sitting in front of this tube, watching this fantasy world to entertain themselves. Think of all of the things we lose out on by doing this. I am not even going to go into how we are manipulated by news networks. That is an entire different topic for a different time. Think about how many people you know who sit there toddlers in front of the TV all day, instead of reading to them, drawing with them, or just talking to them??? How many kids do you know who would rather sit in there room and play video games on a bright sunny day, instead of going outside to play a sport, or just play with other kids??? When did this become acceptable??

People don't even have to know how to cook anymore. There is a fast food restaurant five minutes away from wherever you are reading this from. With the advancement of the internet, you might even be reading this in a restaurant. With this fast paced world being what it is, who has time to cook? Now with every other piece of advancing technology, this can be good in moderation. Leave it to the people of our generation to take advantage of this convenience and just stop cooking all together. And no... TV dinners and pre-made oven pizza doesn't count as cooking.

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Dating has even changed. On social networking sites such as Facebook and Myspace, you don't even need to leave home to meet people. You create your own profile which consists of putting up personal pictures, adding your likes and dislikes, and pretty much giving a full description of yourself. Now this can be good, because it may give people the opportunity to meet who may have not have met otherwise, but there is just something about seeing someone in person, knowing absolutely nothing about them, and having the courage to introduce yourself and start a conversation. With this new way of "meeting" people, you can actually mold yourself into being compatible with someone by viewing and adjusting your personality to coincide with that persons self described profile. I don't totally knock it, but the whole idea does seem kind of weird to me.

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Remember those ice-breaking phone conversations after meeting someone of the opposite sex? Nah... we don't need those anymore. We have text messaging for that! Remember the feeling of dialing every digit except the last one of a girls phone number, then hanging up the phone because you were nervous knowing you were actually going to be speaking to her? Now with text messaging, you can have a whole conversation, ask all of those tough questions, all without actually having to speak to the person! Again, I think there is something wrong with that.

Now I will be the first to admit, in some way, shape, or form I am guilty of some of these things. I have become conscious of my actions, and I am trying to better myself. I want to be a well rounded human being. The easy way isn't always the best way. I think we all need to raise the status quo up. I am going to start with myself.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

The man... the myth...

I have had a great life. I have been a lot of places, had a lot of great experiences, and built many long lasting relationships. Despite all of the good that I have been able to experience, there has always been something missing. I never knew who my father was. Well after 28 years, all of that is about to change. In about 24 hours, I am going to be getting on a plane to go meet my biological father.

I never thought this would happen. For me, my father always has been like a mystery… a myth. I mean I knew he had to exist, but I felt it was the question I would never have the answer to. It ranked up there with the mystery of GOD and the assassination of Kennedy. My mother wasn’t exactly open about the situation. She definitely had some hard feelings, because when I would ask her about him, she would always say she didn’t want to talk about it. The times she did give me any information she would say he was a good athlete, but he wasn’t a good man. After that, I was only left with the name on my birth certificate.

So growing up, I was so confused. I was a light skinned black kid with a white mother in a mostly minority neighborhood. It was tough. I mean I was black, but nobody in my family was black. I was even sometimes mistaken for being puerto-rican(I still get that too). All of my knowledge and interaction with black people took place in my community, not in my home. Now don’t get it twisted, my mother and the rest of my white family did a great job raising me. My grandfather is the greatest man I have ever met. My mother instilled morals in me, and was the best example of hard work, sacrifice, and humility anyone could ever ask for. But there was always that other side, that unknown I was missing. When I was a kid in school people used to always ask me what was up with my father. I came up with every story in the book, because I had no idea. I would tell some people he was in jail for selling drugs, or was in a Military prison for shooting someone, or that he died. As I got older I stopped making up stories and just settled on the fact that I never knew.

Not knowing who my father wore on me more and more as I got older. I mean I was married, had two children of my own, but I still didn’t really know who I was or where I really came from. There were times where I would put the thought of not knowing my father in the back of my mind, but there were other times where it would come to the forefront and tear me apart inside. Part of me didn’t even want to know, but the other part of me made me feel like I had to know. I didn’t want to live my whole life and never find out who my father was. What if he would die and I never had the opportunity to speak to him? What if he was already dead? There were so many questions… and no answers. I would again confront my mother and this time she basically told me everything she knew, which wasn’t really all that much. I mean she gave me some possible locations, an age, and left it to me from there.

So I would again struggle with myself back and forth whether I should or shouldn’t try to find my father. I got some valuable encouragement from a few people. They told me I shouldn’t be scared of what I would find, and that I should just do it. For that… I am forever grateful. So one day I just had enough. I sat at my computer and told myself today is the day. It was a Thursday. I would sit at work that day, use my resources and internet savvy, in hopes of trying to find my father. I searched a few people finder sites. There were quite a few people who shared his name. There were some that would list the name, age, location, previous addresses, people who he may be associated with, and there age, all for free. So I found one of a man who lived in San Antonio, TX, and was 48 years old. This matched the information my mother gave me. When I looked at the people who were listed that he could possibly be associated with, there was one who had a very distinct name. So I put that name in Google, and the first thing that came up was a Facebook account. When I clicked on the link, it was the picture of a 26 year old black woman. HMMMmmmm. So what I did was I created a Facebook account, and wrote her this long email telling her my story. I told her about my mom, how she met my father while she was in the army, that they were stationed in Texas, Boston, and every other little piece of information I could think of. So after I sent this email I took a look at the friends this woman had, and there were two other black women who had the same last name as my father. So I said you know what, I am going to send them the same email I sent to the first girl. So I sent it, and after only a few minutes, one of the girls emailed me back. A lot of the information I provided sounded to her like her father. So that whole afternoon we emailed each other back and forth collaborating information, and everything kind of came together. She called her mother that night, she spoke to him, and he confirmed it. I found my father.

All of that happened last March. I went from being an only child, to having 8 brothers and sisters. All of this was so overwhelming to me. I spoke to my father for the first time on that Saturday. I told him I didn’t want him to be my father. I didn’t want any money or any advice. I just wanted to find him and find out who he is because that would help me better understand who I am. His opportunity to actually be my father was long gone. Our conversation was so surreal. I was talking to the man who I wasn’t sure even existed. My conversations with his children were all very interesting. It turns out one time or another he did the same thing to them that he did to me. They understood what I was going through. They talked to me and tried to make me feel comfortable about my situation. I ended up talking to my father 2 or 3 times after the first time, and that was it.

So now I am here. I have to meet him. I just have to get it over with. I have no expectations. Hopefully he won’t try to give me any advice or any sob story about him trying to find me. Two of his children will also be there so it will be cool getting to meet them too. My best friend is going with me to give me some support. I am excited. I am nervous. I am anxious. I just want to get it over with. I need to do this so I can achieve some inner peace. This will be a big step in my relentless pursuit of piece of mind. I don’t know what is going to happen, but we will see. I will keep you updated.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

The relationship with my girl...

It was really random. I don't know how it happened, it just kind of did. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, because my past experiences showed me I was irresponsible and careless towards girls feelings. Something about this girl though was different. She was young, and even though she wasn't really my type, she was kind of cute. When we met I looked into her eyes and I couldn't help but smile. I told myself, I know how these things end up, but I am just going to give her a chance and whatever happens... happens.

We would hang out a lot, and getting to know her was cool. We both have laid back personalities, but from time to time she would get a little feisty. Oddly enough, I liked that in her. She was really in tuned with my emotions. She knew when it was time to play, time to comfort me, and time to just leave me alone. We would have great conversations, even though I would do most of the talking. She would always look me in the eye, and I could tell she valued what I had to say. We would just lay and watch TV together, eat together, and I would caress her until she fell asleep. After a while, the relationship I never wanted to happen became the relationship that I couldn't live without. I fell in love with her.

It sounded all good... and for the most part it was. Along the way though like every other relationship, we had some disputes. Sometimes we would fight for no reason, we would stop communicating, and there were times I just flat out got sick of her. It even got to the point where she wanted to leave me, and she did on a few occasions. Luckily for me she came back crying every time, and I welcomed her with open arms. I hated myself for being so stubborn and making her submit to me, but I was an immature man who would always put my pride before others feelings. I was so stupid. She was my girl, and she deserved better than that. She was so good to me and at times, I kind of took her for granted. When I realized she would do anything in the world for me, it made me want to do the same for her... and more. I had to make sure she knew she was loved and appreciated. When I finally realized all of these things, we reconciled and moved forward, and it has been all good ever since.

She is a major part of my life, and she always will be. I just wanted to write a little about her so everyone would now how special she is to me. She brings out the best in me, and is greatly appreciated. I love you Fiona. Thank you. If you don't know Fiona aka Fi-Fi, here is a picture of her below...

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Appreciated...

Anyone who is over the age of 25 and is currently employed at McDonalds or any other fast food restaurant for that matter, I have the ultimate respect for you.

Me and Koi were doing some Christmas shopping on Sunday, and we decided to go to McDonalds. We get in line and a man who was about 30 or so took our order. I was impressed with his professionalism, politeness, and courtesy. He double checked our order to make sure everything was there, and he told us to have a good day and a happy holiday.

Who knows what has happened in that man's life that led him to an entry level position at McDonalds at the age of 30. All I know is while everyone else is out shopping with their families or watching football, this 30 year old man wearing a McDonalds hat and a bow tie is making sure my son's PLAIN double cheeseburger, fries, and chicken nuggets were just right... all for probably little over minimum wage.

Now I know everyone has gotten that same old speech when they were younger that went kind of like this:

"You better do well in school and not get into any trouble, or you are going to end up working at McDonalds!!!"

Public perception has always associated working at McDonalds when you get older with failure. Well I don't. Now I am sure working at McDonalds was not this man's career choice as a child, but him not meeting his expectations in life up until now does not make him a failure. Every single day I look in the newspaper and I see multiple articles about people committing home invasions, burglaries, and robberies. Those people are failures in my eyes. Anyone can rob and steal from others, but it takes a real man with real character to show up for work at McDonalds to earn an honest living.

I salute that man, and the many others men who are in similar situations. Hopefully the situation is temporary, and they will all find higher paying jobs soon. For right now, I hope they can keep their heads up and understand their efforts are really appreciated. Thank you.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

When was the last time you rasterbated?

I know the term "rasterbate" sounds funny, but it is a really cool activity that some people may enjoy. Basically what you do is take any picture you have saved to your computer, upload it to the rasterbator program, and it breaks the picture down into dots on individual pieces of paper that collectively make one big picture of your original image.

Here is an example of a rasterbation I did...

As you can see, the final collective image is made up of 12 pieces of 8x10 paper, which makes a nice sized picture that can be put on a wall (You can see my foot in the bottom of the picture which will give you an idea of how big the picture is). You can select I think up to 100 pages and as little as 2. You can change the quality of the picture by making the size of the dots smaller(It is an option in the program). The smaller the size of the dot's, the better quality of the picture. There are two versions of the program. One that is web based, and one that you can download to your pc. I recommend the one you download to your pc because you can make the dots smaller than on the web based version. The program is very easy to use and is very user friendly, and the whole process takes no more than five minutes. The best part about it... IT"S FREE! The only thing you have to pay for is printing the paper. I recommend saving the images to like a memory stick and taking them to a Kinko's or any printing shop. You can have the pictures printed on regular paper, glossy paper, or whatever other kind of paper you are willing to pay for. You can mount just the paper on the wall but for better results people put the paper on thin foam and then mount that to the wall. Since it is around Christmas maybe someone will want to take advantage of this and make one of these for someone as a gift.

The program can be found at...

http://homokaasu.org/rasterbator/

There is a tutorial, FAQ, a forum on how to mount the pictures on a wall, as well as a collection of other rasterbations. Here are a few that I like...

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...