Sand...

We are like sand on the beach. We... as in me and you. Once all of the garbage on the beach is sifted away, all that's left is the sand. Once we escape all that is going on in the world, all that's left is me and you. We are molded together so we can co-exist, and after a while we begin to bond. We become one. We work with each other to form a strong foundation for something with purpose, something bigger than ourselves. We are then smoothed out and touched up for all to see. We are beautiful. We started out as sand, but we have joined together to become a sandcastle. We started out as me and you, but we have come together to become us.

When sandcastles are done right, they look great. They look strong, stable, and secure. In reality though, it is all a facade. They are fragile. They are weak. It seems like no matter how much work you put into one, they will never last. At any given moment they can collapse, or the tide could rise and make our sandcastle fall.

So why do we take so much time, and put so much effort into making sandcastles... over and over and over again... if we know they aren't built to last? There is only one reason. We do it for her. We do it for the happy little girl at the beach, who is holding a bucket and some tools, ready to help build something great. She loves sandcastles, especially the one that she completes. After all of the hard work is done and it all comes together, she gets so happy. She shows it off, takes pictures with it, and just enjoys what we worked so hard to create.

Now without fail, the sand will eventually become dry, become weak, and the sandcastle will fall. So what do we do? We rebuild it. We have to. We don't want to let her down. The little girl is so young, so beautiful, and so optimistic. We will do anything to keep her happy. Even though we know it won't last, we help her anyway. It takes a lot of time and effort to keep us together, even for a short period of time. It breaks, we rebuild, it breaks, we rebuild. We get hot, we get dry, and we get tired, but we never let her see it. We have to do our best to appear strong... for her. The smile she has when we are together, makes the hard work and sacrifice really worth it.

This process has been going on long enough. It is time for a change. I'm tired of being sand. Not tired of just me being sand, but tired of us being sand. We have to start over. We have to really start over. We need to take our time and build one last castle that is not only beautiful, but one that will last. Not just for the little girl, but for us as well. The little girls will alone isn't going to keep us together forever. We have the blueprint, we just have to tweak it. Instead of being sand, we need to become concrete. We have to make sure our foundation is strong. We have to make sure we build something that can withstand any storm, as well as withstand the test of time. We have to build something that the little girl, as well as ourselves can always admire, and always count on.

If we don't become concrete and choose to remain sand, it is going to wear us down. It is going to wear us out. We will keep crumbling, and eventually we won't have the strength or the will to rebuild what we once had. The tide will come and take what was once so promising, so beautiful and so special... and wash it all away.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Don't talk... just listen

I don't mean to be so blunt, but some things just need to be said. I don't like your friend. Nah fuck that... I HATE your friend.

I know you met her before you met me, but so fucking what. I am your best friend. I know her, and I know she is no good for you. I'm not trying to control you or anything, but I don't think you should get up with her anymore. When you roll with her, you act different. You say you are the same person, but you aren't. You just can't see it. Her influence clouds your judgment. I know that is your bud and I know she seems warm and comforting, but she deceives you. That bitch is a liar. She twists up shit to make you feel better, only to have everything go up in smoke when you realize she is gone.

You see... I've known that grimey ass chick since I was young. A couple of kids around my way used to mess with her. My friend Ronnie piped her. She even flirted with me one summer. I was immature and stupid, so I ended up bagging her. Luckily for me, I didn't take her too serious. I never hit that. I'm glad I didn't either, because shorty probably would have burned me. I really got to know her, and I realized she was dirty and nothing but trouble. At that point, I let her go for good.

It's sad that you know she is no good for you, you know I don't like her, but you hang with her anyway. Why? That shit fucks my head up. There are times when I see you and you say you haven't been with her, but I know you are lying. I can see it in your eyes. She manipulates you. She makes you spend money on her. She treats you like shit when in reality, she is the fucking dirt bag. I wish you could step outside of yourself and look through my eyes , so you can see how she affects you.

I don't know what to do anymore. I have tried everything. I've tried the hands off approach. I've tried to make you feel guilty. I've even threatened to end our friendship. No matter what I do, you still don't seem to get it. It hurts me to see you like this. I am not being selfish, I am just looking out for your best interests. I love you. I am begging you to listen to me. You are a great person, and I just don't want your friendship with her to be your downfall. You have the opportunity to do many great things in life, and I don't want you to blow it.
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So please take my advice... and just let her go.
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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned.

My first love...

I love her. I still love her. When me and her are together, I don't even consider it cheating. Only with her though. I mean... I did know her first? She was my first love you know? I know I'm grown and I know I am in a relationship, but I just can't let her go. I know for some this may be hard to understand, so I will try to do my best to explain...

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When I was young, I would always see her around my way. At first, I never gave her much thought. Probably because I was little, she was older, and she mostly hung with the big kids. Most of my time was spent playing Nintendo, or playing football at the park. We would see each other in passing, and I would never give her a second glance. My mom used to laugh at me because she knew when I got older, I would start to like her. She was right.

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One day I just happened to be at my friends house... at the same time she was there. My friend Will introduced me to her. I was shy at first, but after a while I opened up and we started to play together. She was cool... cooler than I expected. When I left his house that night, she came with me. I had a lot of fun walking her home. It was dark out, and there would be times that I would lose her. She would make me chase her to get her back. She had me intrigued, and I wanted to get to know all about her after that.

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From that day on, we would start to spend a lot of time together. I would walk her to school, take her to the park, the pool, everywhere. We used to chill in front of my house all of the time... just me and her. My mom would get mad because she said we made too much noise. I was just trying to get to know her, trying to get a better feel for her. The more time we spent together, the more comfortable with her I became. I would take her out back to the parking lot and show her off. The other kids would always try to steal her from me. They couldn't though, because I had a good handle on her. I had game. If at any point I felt threatened by them, I would just tell her to bounce, and we would be gone. When they realized they couldn't take her, they started hating on me. They tried to block me, but somehow I would always get over.

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When I got to high school, there was more competition for her. Me and her were still close, but she did spend time with others as well. That was fine with me, because I knew I would always catch her on the rebound. Plus I spent time flirting with others and doing my own thing. I had other relationships that in some people's eyes were better for me... but I didn't care. They said was I was crazy for not putting my all into those. I tried, but it just wasn't there. Those other relationships may have been a better fit for me, but she was always my favorite. My heart was with her.

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When I went to college we took a year off, then got back together. This time it was serious. It was all about her. All of my time was dedicated to improving our relationship. Sure she would give me money and take me places... but there were also times where she would become stressful, and more of a burden on me than anything else. I think I was just too young to really understand the opportunity I had with her. Those were some of the best times of my life, but I didn't want to work hard to obtain them anymore. After 2 steady years, I let her go.

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That leads me today. She is still around, but we can never be as serious as we once were. I have a wife now. Another love interest would just complicate things. She is still important to me, but she plays a different role in my life now. I like to sit back and watch her, instead of trying to be with her all of the time. Since I know her well, I try to teach others as much as I can about her, so maybe they can benefit from the opportunities she brings. There are still a few times a week I get away to see her, especially in the summer. Just being with her takes me to a better place in my mind. When we are together she has my full undivided attention, and I couldn't care less about anything else going on in the world.

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Nani knows that I go see her sometimes. She doesn't like it, because she says it takes away from our time together. Now Nani knows that I'm all hers, but she still can't seem to understand why I associate with an old love interest. She always says... "it's only basketball... it's only a game." NO. Basketball is much more than that to me. We have a past. We have history. She is my passion. Basketball taught me how to be generous, be disciplined, and use perseverance. For those reasons, I don't think I will be able to fully ever let her go.

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Me and basketball will never get back what we once had, and that's ok. I am just thankful to still have her in my life in some way, shape, or form. I still work out at the gym, so I can be at my best when I play in recreation league games. I am an assistant high school basketball coach in the winter. I don't play in rec leagues to see if I still have it. I don't coach for money. I do it for the love. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who I am today. She is and she will always be... my first love.

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And I'm sorry mom for dribbling the ball in front of the house all of the time, making all that noise.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

women-food... food-women...

There are many different types of foods, just as there are many types of women. Some are good for you, some are bad. Some are sweet... and some are salty. Sometimes the ones that you know are bad for you, you want anyway. Other times the ones that you know are good for you, you would rather do without. Some are appetizers(girl you may be with for now... until you find something else), some may be side dishes(girl on the side), and some are late night snacks(girl you only "crave" at night). Some women may be a combination of a few these things... I like to call those women salads.

Now women can be categorized in many ways, but there can only be one main course. This is what I would consider a committed girlfriend or wife. People always wonder how a man can have a beautiful woman, but still cheat on her. In this instance, lets compare the girlfriend or wife, to a perfect steak. She is warm, tender, soft, and delicious. She is the finest delicacy in the world, and no other food can compare. Now even though it is delicious, no man wants to eat steak every day. There are those times when a man just wants to eat a sloppy cheeseburger. So even though a man has this beautiful, one of a kind woman... he may get tired of her. He may start craving something different, even if the quality and taste isn't as good as what he already has.

So one might ask... why don't all men cheat? Well most do, but I can use my personal experience to tell you why I don't. My woman is like chicken. I loooove chicken. She is never the same type of chicken though. There are days when she is tender baked chicken, soft and juicy. Other days she is fried chicken, rough and greasy. She has also been grilled chicken, bbq chicken, teriyaki chicken, cajun chicken, chicken nuggets, chicken pot pie, so on and so forth. She may do different things to present herself differently, but she is still chicken. She may switch up her hair, sassiness, style of dress, make-up, attitude... but she is still the same girl. She keeps me guessing, keeps herself fresh, and always keeps me coming back for more.

So yeah... I compare women to food. I guess I just think too much... I don't know. Some may not agree. I just felt like I would share, and give people something to chew on. All I know is that all of this talk is making me hungry. I going to call Nani now... and ask her what she is cooking up for me tonight.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Stay...

Don't leave me. I know I was stupid, and I know I did you wrong. Our relationship is the most important thing in my life, and now I realize it. You are so precious. I can't believe I took you for granted, and never took advantage of you the way I should have. It makes me mad when I think about how I did you wrong, and how I managed our relationship so poorly. I wish I could make it up to you, but I know I will never have that opportunity. So we just move on...

Despite all of that, you were still so good to me. You always kept me fresh, kept me young. I seen you take a toll on some people… stress out others… but I never let you get to me like that. I mean I knew you were important, but the best moments in my life were when I didn't have to worry about you. I would always have fun, be careless, and do my own thing, because I felt like you would always be there for me. I felt like I could always make up with you at some point or another. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Going through life, I started to observe your relationship with others. It made me more conscious of how delicate our relationship was, and made me realize I needed to treat you better. Even though there were moments I would look at you, and you would make me do something I didn't want to do, I still loved you. We would be hand in hand, and then you would leave me. I knew you got around, but I always knew you would come back. I and everyone else had no choice but to kind of accept it. We all played by your rules. One moment you will be around, be abundant showing a lot of love... and then the next moment, you would be up and gone. I couldn't get mad because that's what you do.

I will never forget when you were with my friend Bradley. You two were good together! Brad was the man. Everyone loved and respected him. He was a little reckless, but aren't we all at a young age? I guess you didn't like that. After he got shot, you cheated on him. I wish you would have given him more of yourself, so he could have tried to change and make things better. That's not your style though. You were stubborn, you were cold, and you left him forever.

Tramell misses you too. When we write, he talks about you a lot. You were taken from him, and he hates that. He even fought to get you back, but unfortunately he lost. He said no amount of money, women, or anything else is in this world is worth giving up for you. I wish you and him could just have one day alone together. There is a possibility that one day you and him will re-unite, but unfortunately that day won't be for a long, long while.

As for me... you made me mature, and I thank you for that. You taught me a lot. In a way, me wasting my early experiences with you was good. It made me appreciate you, and helped shape me into who I am today. It helped me understand how to handle you, and helped me prepare for what I hope is a long future together. I know a long future together isn't promised, so you also influence me to live for the day. I realize you are everything to me. I also realize my whole existence is basically nothing to you. That's OK with me though, I have come to accept it. I try to keep up with you the best I can, even though sometimes it seems like you are flying. I'm good for now, but I know the day will come when I can't keep pace, and you will pass me by.

Time… you are of the essence. Thank you for giving some of yourself... to hear me out.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

The Green Family...

Growing up I would always hear a lot about them, even though they didn’t live on my block. The family consisted of five boys named George, Johnny, "A", Al, and Drew, an uncle(I forget his name), and the father whose name is Ben. My mother knew the family, but they weren’t really all that close. They would come visit her sometimes, but wouldn’t stay that long. George would actually come to visit me on my birthdays and sometimes even Christmas, but he wouldn't stay long enough for me to even remember who he was.

Everyone always used to say getting to know the family was important. My mother said the family liked people who were educated. She said I should do well in school, because that will help me build a strong, long lasting relationship with them. She said everybody needed them. She would get sad and act kind of funny when they weren't around. That behavior was kind of weird to me, because I mean me and my friends didn't really know the family, but we were still happy??? We would laugh, we would play, and we weren't worried about getting to know some family who didn't want to be with us. My friends also said there parents had similar feelings towards them. We were kids, we were young, and we just didn't quite understand.

When I was about 13 or 14, I got formally introduced to the boys. My friends always used to play games to determine who the boys would hang out with the most. We would roll dice, play cards, and do almost anything else just to determine who they would stay with. I finally started to understand why everyone wanted to hang with the family. They had the hook up! They took care of a lot of things for you. They could get you sneakers, nice clothes, and they could take you wherever you wanted to go. Even the girls thought you were cooler if you hung with them. The more we hung out and the more we got to know each other, the more I wanted them to stay. Even though we were kind of like friends, we never really got too close. I was too immature, too irresponsible to keep them around. So when I acted careless, they would leave me. When I would realize it, they would already be gone.

As I got older, I started to see how hanging with the Green family became more serious. That’s when I met the father, Ben. Ben was the man, the most powerful and influential member of the family. He was always talked about on TV, on the streets, everywhere. People would lie, cheat, steal, sell drugs, even kill… just so they would have to opportunity to hang with Ben. My best friend wanted to hang with Ben so bad, that he tried to go into the Green residence to kidnap him. He ended up getting caught and went to jail for it. My mother always told me you had to earn your relationship with the family, you couldn't just take it. The Green family was tricky. They kind of had a way of making people think you needed them more that you really did. It wasn’t really there fault though, because they were manipulated by the media and by society in general. Some people kind of get this false sense of entitlement if they have a long relationship with the family. I see people all of the time sacrificing time with there families and loved ones, just so they could work to obtain a stronger bond with the Green's. I mean is this relationship what life is all about?

Now the Green family was cool(especially Ben) and I like when they are around, but going all out for them was never that serious to me. I don’t let my relationship with them consume me, or stress me out like I see it do to others. I have seen it indirectly take over a lot of people’s lives. I am conscious of that, and won't let it take over my own. I have built a strong enough bond to be able to call on them when I need them, but us being close isn’t my ultimate motivation. My relationship with them doesn’t make me who I am. They don’t make me cool. I am cool all by myself. I hate when I see people sacrifice there dignity, time with loved ones, or even there freedom, just for a chance to be closer with them. While we all should all take care of our relationship with the Green family, we should also realize that our other relationships with our own family and friends are the ones that are most important, and at the end of the day the most valuable.

Browsing the pictures of my computer, I was able to find a picture of the Green family portrait I saved...

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

The relationship with my girl...

It was really random. I don't know how it happened, it just kind of did. I wasn't looking for a relationship at the time, because my past experiences showed me I was irresponsible and careless towards girls feelings. Something about this girl though was different. She was young, and even though she wasn't really my type, she was kind of cute. When we met I looked into her eyes and I couldn't help but smile. I told myself, I know how these things end up, but I am just going to give her a chance and whatever happens... happens.

We would hang out a lot, and getting to know her was cool. We both have laid back personalities, but from time to time she would get a little feisty. Oddly enough, I liked that in her. She was really in tuned with my emotions. She knew when it was time to play, time to comfort me, and time to just leave me alone. We would have great conversations, even though I would do most of the talking. She would always look me in the eye, and I could tell she valued what I had to say. We would just lay and watch TV together, eat together, and I would caress her until she fell asleep. After a while, the relationship I never wanted to happen became the relationship that I couldn't live without. I fell in love with her.

It sounded all good... and for the most part it was. Along the way though like every other relationship, we had some disputes. Sometimes we would fight for no reason, we would stop communicating, and there were times I just flat out got sick of her. It even got to the point where she wanted to leave me, and she did on a few occasions. Luckily for me she came back crying every time, and I welcomed her with open arms. I hated myself for being so stubborn and making her submit to me, but I was an immature man who would always put my pride before others feelings. I was so stupid. She was my girl, and she deserved better than that. She was so good to me and at times, I kind of took her for granted. When I realized she would do anything in the world for me, it made me want to do the same for her... and more. I had to make sure she knew she was loved and appreciated. When I finally realized all of these things, we reconciled and moved forward, and it has been all good ever since.

She is a major part of my life, and she always will be. I just wanted to write a little about her so everyone would now how special she is to me. She brings out the best in me, and is greatly appreciated. I love you Fiona. Thank you. If you don't know Fiona aka Fi-Fi, here is a picture of her below...

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...