Damn...

Yesterday was the first day of tryouts for the William Allen High School basketball program. It was also the first time in 4 years that I was not in attendance. After a tough decision making process, I have decided that the best thing for me and my family is that I not coach basketball this season.

It was one of the hardest decisions that I have ever had to make. I love coaching, I love the kids, and I love seeing the positive progression of a young man caused by my influence. At this point in my life though, I feel like I cannot balance the time commitment it takes to coach with the time commitment it takes to be an effective father. My son got his report card last week, and he failed two classes. He needs my undivided attention. I have to take care of home before I can try to help others.

I talked to coach Smurda and he assured me that he and the rest of the staff understand and support my decision. I still feel bad because even though I know I'm doing the right thing for my family, I know my work isn't done with the kids. I still plan on being at all of the games as well as
participating in the mentoring program, but it won't be the same as being there everyday.

Hopefully there will be a day I will be able to rejoin the staff, but for right now this is just how things have to be. Damn.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Reality...

On Thursday, October 1st 2009 at 12:57PM EST, me, Shannon, and Tramell were all sitting in the same room. We were smiling and laughing like everything was cool. Tramell had jokes like he always does. Me and Shannon hadn't seen Tramell in almost 3 years, but it sure didn't feel like it. For those few moments, it felt like we were chilling on the basketball court in the Salvation Army, or sitting on the porch at the crib on 15th st. That feeling wouldn't last long though. The court clerk came in and told everyone to rise, and it was back to reality. We weren't on the porch, or on the basketball court anymore. We were now sitting in courtroom 3b at the Philadelphia Federal Courthouse. We were at the sentencing hearing for Tramell's bank robbery conviction.

The whole situation didn't even seem real to me. Here is a person who I grew up with, laughed with, and shared so many experiences with, standing in front of a United States federal judge awaiting his fate. All I kept thinking was... "how did it all come to this?" The man that the U.S. Attorney was describing was not the man I knew. Yes he was convicted of a very serious crime, but Tramell was not the animal they made him out to be. I know a man who is selfless, generous, and who has a good heart. I know a man who took care of other peoples kids, and fought other peoples battles. I know a charismatic individual with a great personality that could make anyone laugh. I know a man who could walk into a room filled with all different types of people, and end up bringing everyone together. I know a good man. Every time I see someone and they ask me about Tramell, they always follow my response with their own personal story about him. It is always something funny, or something positive. This man touched everyone he came across.

So witnessing Tramell handcuffed wearing a green jumpsuit, surrounded by U.S. Marshall's was hard for me to see. I looked at Shannon, and I could tell it was hard for him as well. We couldn't show it though, because we had to stay strong in support of our friend. You would think with all of the people Tramell helped in his life, the courtroom would be packed with supporters. The only other people there besides us were his mother and stepfather. Tramell told me a lot of people showed their true colors throughout this whole process. I know that hurt him, but I also know he wanted to put that past him, and continue to move forward with the people that stood by him.

I don't want to go into detail about the hearing itself. It was what is was, and I am just going to let it be. It all ended with the judge sentencing Tramell to 429 months in Federal Prison. Forty-one years. Forty-one years? Murderers, rapists, and child molesters get lighter sentences for what in my opinion are far worse crimes. Not one person was hurt in any of the crimes Tramell was convicted of. Regardless of that, the federal statute for the charges he was convicted of called for a minimum sentence of 32 years. Seems like the judge added another 9 years just for fun. Crazy.

When the sentence was handed down, Tramell looked back at us and said he was good. The U.S. Marshall's then proceeded to take him back to prison. Just as Tramell was about to step out the door he said... "I don't believe in time, I believe in Allah." Even though we have different religious beliefs, I support his decision to adopt a new faith, and I hope that helps him get threw this tough time.

If all else fails, one thing Tramell can always believe in is me. No matter where this next stage in his life takes him, he can always have faith in knowing I will always be there to provide the support he needs. We are friends, and this unfortunate set of circumstances doesn't change a thing. I always tell Tramell that they can lock up your body, but they can't lock up your mind. I hope he can lose himself in thoughts of better days, like us chilling on the basketball court in the Salvation Army, or us sitting on the porch at the crib on 15th St. I will always be there to keep those thoughts fresh in his mind, until they can one day become a reality again.

I love you Tramell. Keep your head up.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

So sad...

Yesterday I took my daughter to the park. It was just me and her. We were throwing the ball, chasing squirrels, and running around being silly. She loves going to the park. She was laughing and having a good time, just like she always does.

While we were there, I saw this girl I knew. Her son played on the same football team as my son. I don't know her to well, but we would always say what's up when we saw each other. She was walking through the park with her daughter, who is around the same age as mine. When we crossed paths I said hi, she said hello, and she kept it moving.

So me and my daughter went back to playing. The girl I said hi to got into her car, but she didn't leave. I noticed that she was watching us. Now this might be considered strange behavior to some, but I understood exactly what was going on. She was dealing with something.

About 2 months ago, the father of her children was murdered. I didn't know him too well either, but I would always see him around. I would always see him walking his son to football practice, while holding his daughters hand. She would be smiling and skipping along, as happy as could be. There would be days she didn't feel like walking, so he would carry her. I could tell he was a good dad. His son wasn't the best player in the world, but he would always give him positive encouragement that would help him though. He would always praise him for giving his best effort. When his daughter would get bored watching practice, he would run around and chase her, just to keep her entertained.

The news of his death hit me hard. It's just so sad to know that these kids father is gone forever. His son will no longer have the support from his father that he so desperately needs. Not only on the football field, but in life. His daughter will never get to skip and smile while holding hands with her daddy ever again. And now you have the their mother, who is left with the task of supporting her children financially, as well as the task of trying to fill the emotional void of her kids not having a father. One can only imagine what kind of strain and pressure this has to have on her.

So when I see her sitting in her car watching me and my daughter, I can only imagine what she is thinking. I felt like her watching us play, reminded her of the father of her children playing with her daughter. I felt like she was thinking about what used to be, and unfortunately what will never be again. I wanted to go talk to her and tell her I was sorry, but I didn't. There is nothing I could have said that would have eased her pain.

The whole situation is just so sad to me. There is no happy ending, it just is what it is. This just serves as another reminder that this world is cold, life isn't fair, and tomorrow isn't promised. Damn.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...