My turn...

I already know what is coming as I make the right turn onto 2ND St. I roll down my windows and lower the music to prepare myself for the inevitable. I pull up in front of my son's house, and here comes Koi jumping off the porch. He then leans into the passenger side window to ask me the exact same question he always does.

"Can Tajon and Khalfani come?"

Tajon is my son's best friend. He is 11 years old. His father is nowhere to be found. His mother is in prison. His aunt is his primary caretaker, even though she doesn't have a place of her own. They both live with his grandmother, in one of the worst neighborhoods in town.

Khalfani is my son's cousin. He is nine years old. His father is always in and out of jail. When he is out, he isn't around too much anyway. His mother spends a lot of her time at work trying to make ends meet. So Khalfani usually spends most of his time at my son's house.

Now as Koi is asking me this question, I look to the left and I see Tajon. He is leaning up against the railing with this nervous look on his face. He has his hands behind his back, probably because he has his fingers crossed. I look to the right and I see Khalfani. He is on the other side of the screen door trying not be seen, but at the same time trying to be close enough to hear my response. I then take a glance in my rear view mirror. I see a bunch of young drug dealers smoking weed, staring down every car that rides down the block. When I look out the front window, I see crackheads walking around like zombies on Halloween. After my quick observation of the situation, I say to Koi what I always say when he asks me the question he always asks.

"Tell them to come on."

Once they get in the car, Tajon and Khalfani are always smiling. They don't even care where we go. They are just excited to have the opportunity to get off the block for a while.

As we are driving, it takes at a maximum of about 90 seconds for the next inevitable question to be asked. No longer than the amount of time it takes me to drive to the stop sign on 3rd and Linden, Koi will say...

"Dad... can we get something to eat?"

I'm not at all surprised. I knew it was coming. Khalfani and Tajon then take a peek at me through the rear view mirror, to try to get a read on what my answer will be. I then look into the back seat, and ask Khalfani what he ate today. I don't even know why I ask, because I already know what his reply will be. It doesn't matter if it is 9am or 3pm, he will give me the exact same response every single time.

"I ate cereal."

These kids never eat. I will usually end up taking them to my house for a meal. If I am feeling generous that day, I may even take them all to McDonald's or Little Caesers. No matter what they eat, I know they will always eat it all. And if I don't eat all my food, I can always count on one of them to eat the rest for me.

After that we will either go to the park, or go to my house depending on the weather. If there is an open gym, or if I have a basketball or flag football game, I will take them with me. When we just go to my house, they like playing the wii, shooting baskets on Maecee's indoor hoop, and watching funny videos on youtube. They always end up being loud, spilling something, and making a little mess. They frustrate Nani sometimes to the point where she will have to leave the house. I can take it though, because I already knew those things were going to happen when I picked them up.

Every single time I pick up my son, I can expect the exact same thing from him and his crew. On the flip side, they can always expect the exact same thing from me. Every time I get them together, I talk to them. I use those times as teaching opportunities to talk about life.

I talk to them about the young drug dealers on the block. I explain to them that they may have the new Jordans and expensive cars now, but one way or another that will all eventually come to an end. The people who live that lifestyle either end up dead or in jail. Even when a drug dealer gets out of jail, those mistakes still effect them for the rest of their lives. Those charges on your record will prevent a person who is matured and who is really trying to do well from getting a job, a student loan, among many other things. I give them examples of people they all know who fell victim to the game, to further prove my claim.

I encourage them to work hard. Nothing in this world is free, and nothing comes to people by accident. You can't lie, cheat, and steal to get by in life. I unfortunately have Tramell to use as an example of this when trying to get my point across. Hard work builds character, and gives people a greater sense of satisfaction when a goal is reached the right way.

I talk to them the importance of education and knowledge. Those two things are the foundation for their future. I tell them it is just as important to absorb the things they are taught as it is to get good grades. An education coupled with a strong knowledge base provides more options and opportunities for an individual. Those things are what help people achieve their dreams.

I talk to them about sex. I tell them it is ok to wait. I always use myself as an example. Koi knows I love him with all my heart, but having him at such a young age limited my college opportunities. My mom still has a box full of letters from colleges all over the country who showed an interest in me joining their respective football programs. The kids get a kick out of looking at where I possibly could have gone. Having a child changed all that. I also make sure they understand that if they do experiment, that they should protect themselves by wearing a condom. The feeling you get from having sex is not worth carrying around a disease for the rest of your life.

I encourage them to be leaders, not followers. There are going to be situations where they are going to have to make tough decisions. I just have to make sure when those times come, they are ready to make the right choice. They can't worry about what the crowd is doing. When they are asked to sell drugs, rob someone, or smoke weed, they have to understand no matter how strong the peer pressure is, that it is ok to say no.

So every time I get my son, I know he will ask for Tajon and Khalfani to come. I know that they will be hungry, and I know I will have to readjust my monthly budget to feed all them. I know that they are going to be loud, and I know they are going to make a mess. Despite all of that, I have to take them. It is my turn to be James Kostic, Kenny Kostic, Jasper Drummond, and Peter Dixon. It is my turn to be a father figure to the kids of the community. Tajon and Khalfani are good kids. Two good kids who happen to be in two tough situations. There are all kind of negative influences around them, so it is important they can get away and experience something positive every chance they get. It is important that they are talked to about situations in life that they are going to come across. They need the influence of a positive male role model who has been through the same things they will go through. If they stay around the way, it is only a matter of time before the influence and allure of the fast life will manipulate and eventually get the best of them.

I can't let that happen.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

29...

Today is my birthday. I am 29 years old. All day I have just been reflecting on my life. I am thankful to have come across so many great people and have so many positive experiences. I am a lucky man, and I appreciate everything.

I don't have to work for the next week. Vacation in Puerto Rico? Cali? Florida? Who knows? All I know is that I am going somewhere, and I am going alone. I may just get in the car and start driving.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Ace...

In a lot of my writing, you have read the name Shannon. Well his birthday just passed, so I feel like now would be a good time to say a few words about the man.

I met Shannon on the basketball court at the YMCA. I was in the 7Th grade. He was this funny looking kid with an afro, wearing this big purple champion sweatshirt. He was shooting 3 pointers for money with another kid on credit, and he had the kid down a couple hundred-thousand dollars. Shannon was banking in 3 pointers, laughing and joking while the amount kept going up. From that very moment, I knew I was going to like him.

That same night, I slept over my friends house. It just so happens that Shannon was spending the night there too, as the guest of my friends older brother. My friends brother was only like a year or two older, so we all would end up hanging out. We had a lot of fun. From that night on, me and Shannon began chilling at that house every single day. We would gamble, watch TV, and go play basketball together. We became tight.

After a while, me and Shannon started doing our own thing. It got to the point where we didn't go to the brothers house much at all anymore. Around that same time, we started chilling with these two other kids, Josh and Tramell.

Throughout our high school years, Me, Shannon, Josh, and Tramell would do everything together. If you saw one of us, chances are the rest of us wouldn't be too far behind. We would play basketball, steal bikes, gamble, get girls, and do every other thing you can possibly imagine together. From early morning to late at night every single day, we would all be together. We were a crew. Those were some of the best experiences of my life, which I will go into full detail about another time.

After high school, it was more of the same. Even though I went to college 45 minutes away, I would often come home and hang with the crew. We started Coming of Age, a summer league basketball team that would compete in all of the local tournaments. Shannon was a key player on the squad, as well as the general manager. We still gambled around the way, but we also stepped it up and started taking trips to Atlantic City. Shannon would always be driving with his head back and mouth open, but swear he wasn't falling asleep. You was sleep Shan. The girls were still around, but now instead of just being with us, they wanted to take care of us. Kim was always ready to climb a mountain, or swim across an ocean for Shannon.

Me and Shannon would eventually end up moving in together. During that time, things became a little different with Josh and Tramell. Josh had a little drug business going, and Tramell had all kinds of trouble surrounding him. I mean we still played ball together, I still loved them and still would do anything for them, but in certain situations I had to keep my distance. I wasn't trying to get caught up in anything that would get me in trouble. Shannon kind of felt the same way.

After living with Shannon for 3 years, I ended up moving out so I could live with my girl. He would eventually do the same. Josh and Tramell were still living the fast life, which would eventually lead to their downfall. Tramell had to deal with the whole bank robbery situation, and we all know how that ended up. Even though Josh wasn't robbing banks, he was hit with an accessory after the fact charge, in which he is doing time for now.

So now with our two best friends in jail, it's just me and Shannon. We still play basketball and go out once in a while, but not nearly as much as we used to. We are older, we both work, and we both have families that take up a lot of our time. No matter what though, I know if I ever need anything he will always be there. When we do go out, we don't drink or dance with women. We just sit and talk. We always ask each other if we could have done anything different to help Tramell and Josh from going down the wrong path. We talk about our relationships, the good times, society, sports, and everything else you can think of. He is the one of the only people I can talk to without ever holding anything back.

Shannon is my best friend. He is my ace. He is a good man, a great father, and I wanted to take this time to let everyone know he is appreciated. Happy Birthday Shan.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Him...

He is not conceited. He is not cocky or arrogant, and he doesn't think that he is better than anyone else. Throughout his life, he has been told that these characteristics were many peoples initial impression of him. Once they really get to know him, they come to understand that he is not like that at all.

The truth is, he is humble. He is nice, he is caring, and he has a good heart. It may not be evident from the outside looking in though, because he is also reserved. He is introverted. He grew up an only child, so he is used to being by himself. He is used to processing his thoughts and emotions internally. Even though he has grown into a man, his behavior is he same as it’s always been.

If he walks into a party or any other type of social setting, he doesn't need to be acknowledged. He doesn't need to shake hands, say hello, or engage in any small talk. It's not that he thinks he is too good to talk to anyone, he just prefers being in the background observing the scene.

Initializing a conversation with a person or a group of people he doesn't know is something he would never do. He could see the same person-at the same spot-at the same time-every single day, and never say a word to them. Most of the time he is so consumed in his own thoughts that he may not even notice the other person. If they would ever end up speaking, he would be doing most of the listening, and not much of the talking. He is not trying to be rude, that's just how he is.

He loves being home by himself. He loves going to the gym, going out to eat, and going for drives all by himself. He loves being alone so he can think and process his thoughts without interruption. Now make not mistake about it, he loves being around his family and close friends. Those are the moments in life that he cherishes the most. No matter how good those moments are though, he still needs his alone time.

He understands his behavior may rub some people the wrong way, and he is trying to do some things to become a little more personable. He is still him though, so he is not going to change to the point where he compromises himself too much.

So if you see him in a room not talking to anyone, or catch him walking alone not acknowledging the presence of the rest of the world, try to remember that he is not conceited. Try to remember that he is not cocky or arrogant, and he is not thinking he is better than anyone else. He is just being him.

Trust me... I know him well. Hopefully one day you will get to know him a little better too.

.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Reality...

On Thursday, October 1st 2009 at 12:57PM EST, me, Shannon, and Tramell were all sitting in the same room. We were smiling and laughing like everything was cool. Tramell had jokes like he always does. Me and Shannon hadn't seen Tramell in almost 3 years, but it sure didn't feel like it. For those few moments, it felt like we were chilling on the basketball court in the Salvation Army, or sitting on the porch at the crib on 15th st. That feeling wouldn't last long though. The court clerk came in and told everyone to rise, and it was back to reality. We weren't on the porch, or on the basketball court anymore. We were now sitting in courtroom 3b at the Philadelphia Federal Courthouse. We were at the sentencing hearing for Tramell's bank robbery conviction.

The whole situation didn't even seem real to me. Here is a person who I grew up with, laughed with, and shared so many experiences with, standing in front of a United States federal judge awaiting his fate. All I kept thinking was... "how did it all come to this?" The man that the U.S. Attorney was describing was not the man I knew. Yes he was convicted of a very serious crime, but Tramell was not the animal they made him out to be. I know a man who is selfless, generous, and who has a good heart. I know a man who took care of other peoples kids, and fought other peoples battles. I know a charismatic individual with a great personality that could make anyone laugh. I know a man who could walk into a room filled with all different types of people, and end up bringing everyone together. I know a good man. Every time I see someone and they ask me about Tramell, they always follow my response with their own personal story about him. It is always something funny, or something positive. This man touched everyone he came across.

So witnessing Tramell handcuffed wearing a green jumpsuit, surrounded by U.S. Marshall's was hard for me to see. I looked at Shannon, and I could tell it was hard for him as well. We couldn't show it though, because we had to stay strong in support of our friend. You would think with all of the people Tramell helped in his life, the courtroom would be packed with supporters. The only other people there besides us were his mother and stepfather. Tramell told me a lot of people showed their true colors throughout this whole process. I know that hurt him, but I also know he wanted to put that past him, and continue to move forward with the people that stood by him.

I don't want to go into detail about the hearing itself. It was what is was, and I am just going to let it be. It all ended with the judge sentencing Tramell to 429 months in Federal Prison. Forty-one years. Forty-one years? Murderers, rapists, and child molesters get lighter sentences for what in my opinion are far worse crimes. Not one person was hurt in any of the crimes Tramell was convicted of. Regardless of that, the federal statute for the charges he was convicted of called for a minimum sentence of 32 years. Seems like the judge added another 9 years just for fun. Crazy.

When the sentence was handed down, Tramell looked back at us and said he was good. The U.S. Marshall's then proceeded to take him back to prison. Just as Tramell was about to step out the door he said... "I don't believe in time, I believe in Allah." Even though we have different religious beliefs, I support his decision to adopt a new faith, and I hope that helps him get threw this tough time.

If all else fails, one thing Tramell can always believe in is me. No matter where this next stage in his life takes him, he can always have faith in knowing I will always be there to provide the support he needs. We are friends, and this unfortunate set of circumstances doesn't change a thing. I always tell Tramell that they can lock up your body, but they can't lock up your mind. I hope he can lose himself in thoughts of better days, like us chilling on the basketball court in the Salvation Army, or us sitting on the porch at the crib on 15th St. I will always be there to keep those thoughts fresh in his mind, until they can one day become a reality again.

I love you Tramell. Keep your head up.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...