Just me...

I have no support system. I have nobody to talk to, nobody to confide in. There is nobody to go to when I want to vent, or when I need help with my problems. So what do I do??? I just talk to myself...

You know my story. I'm not close to anyone. The situation with not knowing my father, and how I held a grudge against my mother for it. Not growing up with any brothers or sisters, and not having any other family I could talk to. I have a lot of acquaintances, but only 3 real friends. Two of them are in prison. When me and the other friend speak, he does most of the talking, and it usually about sports. We do have other conversations about life, but not my life, and not my issues specifically.

So here I am, same as it has always been. It's just me. I'm just a man, trying to figure out things all on my own... all as I go. I can count the amount of people I have truly opened up to on my thumbs, and those relationships are all but over. I just don't feel comfortable with just anyone knowing my thoughts and problems. So if I handle a situation poorly, or make a bad decision, I apologize. I am trying... but I am a work in progress. Through it all please remember... it's just me.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Stay...

Don't leave me. I know I was stupid, and I know I did you wrong. Our relationship is the most important thing in my life, and now I realize it. You are so precious. I can't believe I took you for granted, and never took advantage of you the way I should have. It makes me mad when I think about how I did you wrong, and how I managed our relationship so poorly. I wish I could make it up to you, but I know I will never have that opportunity. So we just move on...

Despite all of that, you were still so good to me. You always kept me fresh, kept me young. I seen you take a toll on some people… stress out others… but I never let you get to me like that. I mean I knew you were important, but the best moments in my life were when I didn't have to worry about you. I would always have fun, be careless, and do my own thing, because I felt like you would always be there for me. I felt like I could always make up with you at some point or another. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Going through life, I started to observe your relationship with others. It made me more conscious of how delicate our relationship was, and made me realize I needed to treat you better. Even though there were moments I would look at you, and you would make me do something I didn't want to do, I still loved you. We would be hand in hand, and then you would leave me. I knew you got around, but I always knew you would come back. I and everyone else had no choice but to kind of accept it. We all played by your rules. One moment you will be around, be abundant showing a lot of love... and then the next moment, you would be up and gone. I couldn't get mad because that's what you do.

I will never forget when you were with my friend Bradley. You two were good together! Brad was the man. Everyone loved and respected him. He was a little reckless, but aren't we all at a young age? I guess you didn't like that. After he got shot, you cheated on him. I wish you would have given him more of yourself, so he could have tried to change and make things better. That's not your style though. You were stubborn, you were cold, and you left him forever.

Tramell misses you too. When we write, he talks about you a lot. You were taken from him, and he hates that. He even fought to get you back, but unfortunately he lost. He said no amount of money, women, or anything else is in this world is worth giving up for you. I wish you and him could just have one day alone together. There is a possibility that one day you and him will re-unite, but unfortunately that day won't be for a long, long while.

As for me... you made me mature, and I thank you for that. You taught me a lot. In a way, me wasting my early experiences with you was good. It made me appreciate you, and helped shape me into who I am today. It helped me understand how to handle you, and helped me prepare for what I hope is a long future together. I know a long future together isn't promised, so you also influence me to live for the day. I realize you are everything to me. I also realize my whole existence is basically nothing to you. That's OK with me though, I have come to accept it. I try to keep up with you the best I can, even though sometimes it seems like you are flying. I'm good for now, but I know the day will come when I can't keep pace, and you will pass me by.

Time… you are of the essence. Thank you for giving some of yourself... to hear me out.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Wow...

Try to digest this for a second...

Astronomy and space have always been fascinating to me. I have soooo many questions. I have come to realize that I will probably not get any answers in my lifetime, and that's ok. But I wonder...

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Progress vs. Profit

About a month ago I made a post entitled People, technology, and the quality of life. It focused on the technologies in life that made things easier, but at the same time also made us miss out on experiences and benefits I felt were necessary in making a well rounded individual. This post is the flip side to that.

The human race is very smart. The human race is also very greedy. When it comes to certain industries in the United States and around the world, what is their real motivation? Developing the best possible product for the benefit of man, or… money?

When pharmaceutical companies develop medicine, is there ultimate goal to cure people? Cure diseases? Or is it to help people stay alive long enough to be able to buy more medicine? When was the last time we cured anything anyway?

Do we really need gas? I don't think we do. I am sure that there is some technology out there man has discovered that make's our cars run without it. Will that technology ever be released? Sure it will. As soon as man has made as much money as possible, and all of our natural resources are gone, all of a sudden some miraculous new technology will be "discovered".

Why when I buy any type of electronic device, without fail, 6 months later something more advanced will come out? Did they not know about this advanced feature that I have to have to have six months ago? Or did they want me to buy the latest and greatest then… and now?

I could go on and on but you get the point. It just pains me that we as people would rather hold back intentionally for profit, then to use all of our resources and intelligence to go all out for progress. Does anyone do anything for the greater good anymore, or is everything we do about money? Sadly enough… I think I know the answer. Damn.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...