Other things...

In high school everything I did revolved around sports and girls. Sports, girls, sports, girls. Now as an adult, I feel like while I focused so much on those things, I missed out on other opportunities to do so much more.

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I wish I would have been in the band in high school. I wish I could have played the trumpet or the saxophone. How cool would it have been to be in the band and play the national anthem before a football game, and then go run on the field and be the starting quarterback? I would have loved to do that. I would have loved to do the same thing at basketball games too.

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I wish I would have been in the Student Government. I feel like I would have been a good leader with good ideas, who would have been able to influence others into doing positive things for the greater good. It would have been fun to see how my voice and my leverage could have impacted things.

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I wish I would have written in the school newspaper. I would have had my own little re-occurring column, where I would have addressed numerous topics from a young adolescents point of view. I would been fun to stir up some debates, all while bringing awareness to the paper as a whole.

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I wish I could have done it all. I would have been on the Debate Team, Art Club, Key Club, and everything else. You never know what you will like until you try it, especially at a young age. That's why I encourage my children and the kids I coach to broaden their horizons, and try other things. A lot of the kids I deal with are so concerned with image, just like I was. In the neighborhoods they come from, so much emphasis is put on being the man, looking fly, or being a good athlete. School clubs are considered corny. You are considered a nerd if you pay attention in school and get good grades. I try to use my influence and experiences to show them that it is ok to be different, and it is ok to achieve. There is so much more to life, and I want to make sure they don't miss out on any opportunities to discover other things they may enjoy... kind of like I did. Hopefully my voice is heard.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for vising and stay tuned...

Words to live by...

My world it moves so fast today

the past it seems so far away

and life

squeezes so tight that I can't breathe...

And every time I've tried to be

what someone else thought of me

so caught up

I was unable to achieve...

But deep

in my heart

the answer

it was in me...

And I made

up my mind

to define

my own destiny...

The lyrics above are the first verse from the song "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" which is the title track of Lauryn Hill's first album. This is one of those instances where music really had an impact and influence on my everyday life.

This song kind of describes my evolution as a man. Growing up my life moved so fast, and lacked it's own direction. I felt the pressures of society. I felt like a lot of decisions I made were influenced on what was considered important by the by the masses, and not by me. It wasn't that I was a follower or anything, but I just kind of went along with the established status quo of the world. When I finally figured out that my life wasn't about anyone elses idea of happiness or success but my own, I felt free. My life actually became my life.

That's why I am how I am. For the most part, I don't care what people think about me. I don't need to be cool, or to be what someone else wants me to be. I don't need to fulfill anyone elses expectations on what I do with my life, other than my own. I don't have goals of obtaining material things to make me feel accomplished, or goals of obtaining a career with a title to make me feel important. Like the song says, I made up my mind to define my own destiny.

I love my humble life. I love living my life slowly. I just try to take it all in, and enjoy every moment. I love blending in with the crowd. I love my cool little family. Being a great husband and a regular dad make me feel successful. Watching my kids evolve into good people who will make a positive contribution to the world is what makes me feel accomplished. I just love being comfortable enough to live my life on my terms, and not worrying about the pressures and influence of the outside world.

What makes me love this song even more is that Lauryn Hill really lived what she sang. This album won like 8 Grammy awards, but despite that we never heard another album from her again. She had a family, and her heart was no longer in music. She could have easily made another album, and made millions of dollars if she wanted to. Even though she felt pressure from fans and people in the music industry to make more music, she stayed true to herself and she stayed away. She wanted to live her life and raise her family out of the spotlight, and that's exactly what she did. I applaud her for that

So thanks again Lauryn for giving me these wonderful words to live by. I am very grateful.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Goodbye...

As we all know by now, Michael Jackson has passed away. Rather than grieve about his death, I would like to take this opportunity to celebrate his life.

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I grew up listening to Michael Jackson. My mom had all of his records from when he was with the Jackson 5. When he went solo, she had all of those records too. No matter how hard things may have been growing up, when you listened to his music, you kind of forgot about it all. His music just made you feel good... feel alive. He was also a wonderful performer who would always put on an amazing show. I still remember trying to moonwalk in my kitchen, because I wanted to be like Mike. I had the afro, the glove, the jacket, the posters... I had it all.

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His impact was not only felt here in America, but all around the world. His music was universal and brought people from all different backgrounds together. He used his celebrity and influence to bring awareness to many social issues across the globe. His work would go a long way in helping to provide food in Africa, as well as raising money for AIDS research. Too many times we get caught up in the 750 million records sold worldwide, but his humanitarian efforts may have had an even greater impact on the world.

Later in his life he was criticized for some abnormal behavior such as numerous plastic surgeries, suspected bleaching of his skin, and multiple child molestation allegations. He was considered weird. He has never been convicted of any crime, but he seemed to take a hit when it came to the court of public opinion. Now I don't condone any of this alleged behavior. All I can say is even though he is the greatest entertainer of our time, he is still a man, and no man is perfect. He has been on stage his whole life. He never had a normal childhood. Who is to say what is normal to him? So as an adult... if he wants to have a roller coaster in his backyard and chimps walking around juggling in tuxedo's... so be it.

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Ultimately, his legacy will live on forever. His influence on the music and the entertainment industry is evident in so many of our artists today. His music is timeless. I am just thankful for the opportunity to have grown up while he was in his prime, and experience his creativity and influence first hand. Thanks Michael.

And for a quick laugh... a picture of me when I was five...
Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Fathers Day...

Fathers Day is this Sunday. Even though I never had a father growing up, I did have a few father figures. I wanted to take the time out to recognize some of these men.
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James Kostic
He is my grandfather. I call him Pop-Pop. He has always been there for me and my mom. He is a cool, quiet man, who seemed like he was always in control, no matter the situation. He is an older man, who is still in good shape for his age. Whenever I had a basketball or football game, he was always there. When I did well my mom would be cheering, but his facial expressions and body language would never change. I still could tell he was proud of me. He just wanted to keep me level headed and humble, and he did. He would give me a "good job kid" and that would be it. He came off like success was expected. I got a lot of my mannerisms and quiet confidence from him.

Kenny Kostic
Uncle Kenny! My uncle Kenny is cool. When I was young, he always would pick me up and take me to the park. We would play basketball, football, baseball, soccer, racquetball, badminton, and every other sport you can think of. He knew my mom didn't have any money, so when he took his kids on vacation, he took me too. He took me to Virginia Beach, Myrtle Beach, and to St. Louis. Kenny loved music, and he would always have all of these tapes with all kinds of House music on them. He would always say, "this is my jam" when he heard a song he liked. Kenny taught me how to live and enjoy life.

Jasper Drummond
Jasper was my next door neighbor growing up. He had a son I hung out with who was my age, so me and Jasper would see each other on a day to day basis. He treated me like a son. He took a lot of the kids in our neighborhood under his wing. He would take us fishing, show us how to fix things, and do all kinds of other regular dad stuff with us. He also had a portable basketball court he used to roll out into the parking lot and let all of us play with. My friends used to joke and say Jasper was my dad, because I never knew mine. Jasper's best characteristic was his dedication, and the love he had for his kids. The relationship with his wife was never the best, but he would always say he could deal with her... as long as he had his children. He would work hard all day, but somehow find the energy and strength to entertain his kids... and me when he got home. He understood the importance of family, and watching him made me understand it was well.

Peter Dixon
Pete was also my neighbor. He moved in when I was like 10 years old. He was an old head... someone who had seen it all and done it all twice. He noticed all of the kids on the block played basketball, so he kind of came around and taught us little things that would help us improve our game. We all became cool. We would sit on his porch for hours, just talking about life. He was a very smart man. He would school us on everything from girls, politics, and everything else you could think of. He was Muslim, but he didn't try to push that on us. He would tell us to not accept things for how they were, but to question things... think outside of the box... and think for ourselves. Pete only lived on our block for about 4 years, but his advice is something I continue to carry with me today.

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I am very thankful to have come across these men. I have met many other great men in my life, but these men specifically have all given me the positive male influence I needed in the absence of my father. I just wanted to make sure they got some special recognition from me. I used their influence to help me in my maturation from a boy to a man, and for that I am forever grateful. Thank you gentlemen.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

My first love...

I love her. I still love her. When me and her are together, I don't even consider it cheating. Only with her though. I mean... I did know her first? She was my first love you know? I know I'm grown and I know I am in a relationship, but I just can't let her go. I know for some this may be hard to understand, so I will try to do my best to explain...

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When I was young, I would always see her around my way. At first, I never gave her much thought. Probably because I was little, she was older, and she mostly hung with the big kids. Most of my time was spent playing Nintendo, or playing football at the park. We would see each other in passing, and I would never give her a second glance. My mom used to laugh at me because she knew when I got older, I would start to like her. She was right.

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One day I just happened to be at my friends house... at the same time she was there. My friend Will introduced me to her. I was shy at first, but after a while I opened up and we started to play together. She was cool... cooler than I expected. When I left his house that night, she came with me. I had a lot of fun walking her home. It was dark out, and there would be times that I would lose her. She would make me chase her to get her back. She had me intrigued, and I wanted to get to know all about her after that.

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From that day on, we would start to spend a lot of time together. I would walk her to school, take her to the park, the pool, everywhere. We used to chill in front of my house all of the time... just me and her. My mom would get mad because she said we made too much noise. I was just trying to get to know her, trying to get a better feel for her. The more time we spent together, the more comfortable with her I became. I would take her out back to the parking lot and show her off. The other kids would always try to steal her from me. They couldn't though, because I had a good handle on her. I had game. If at any point I felt threatened by them, I would just tell her to bounce, and we would be gone. When they realized they couldn't take her, they started hating on me. They tried to block me, but somehow I would always get over.

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When I got to high school, there was more competition for her. Me and her were still close, but she did spend time with others as well. That was fine with me, because I knew I would always catch her on the rebound. Plus I spent time flirting with others and doing my own thing. I had other relationships that in some people's eyes were better for me... but I didn't care. They said was I was crazy for not putting my all into those. I tried, but it just wasn't there. Those other relationships may have been a better fit for me, but she was always my favorite. My heart was with her.

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When I went to college we took a year off, then got back together. This time it was serious. It was all about her. All of my time was dedicated to improving our relationship. Sure she would give me money and take me places... but there were also times where she would become stressful, and more of a burden on me than anything else. I think I was just too young to really understand the opportunity I had with her. Those were some of the best times of my life, but I didn't want to work hard to obtain them anymore. After 2 steady years, I let her go.

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That leads me today. She is still around, but we can never be as serious as we once were. I have a wife now. Another love interest would just complicate things. She is still important to me, but she plays a different role in my life now. I like to sit back and watch her, instead of trying to be with her all of the time. Since I know her well, I try to teach others as much as I can about her, so maybe they can benefit from the opportunities she brings. There are still a few times a week I get away to see her, especially in the summer. Just being with her takes me to a better place in my mind. When we are together she has my full undivided attention, and I couldn't care less about anything else going on in the world.

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Nani knows that I go see her sometimes. She doesn't like it, because she says it takes away from our time together. Now Nani knows that I'm all hers, but she still can't seem to understand why I associate with an old love interest. She always says... "it's only basketball... it's only a game." NO. Basketball is much more than that to me. We have a past. We have history. She is my passion. Basketball taught me how to be generous, be disciplined, and use perseverance. For those reasons, I don't think I will be able to fully ever let her go.

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Me and basketball will never get back what we once had, and that's ok. I am just thankful to still have her in my life in some way, shape, or form. I still work out at the gym, so I can be at my best when I play in recreation league games. I am an assistant high school basketball coach in the winter. I don't play in rec leagues to see if I still have it. I don't coach for money. I do it for the love. If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be who I am today. She is and she will always be... my first love.

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And I'm sorry mom for dribbling the ball in front of the house all of the time, making all that noise.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Champions...

The Los Angeles Lakers and Kobe Bryant are the 2008-2009 NBA champions. I am a Lakers fan, so this is a great time for me. I know a lot of people who claim to be Lakers fans, but I have been a Lakers fan for a long, long, time.

Growing up about 50 miles north of Philadelphia, I was a big Temple basketball fan. In the early 90's, Eddie Jones(who played for Temple) was my favorite player. When he was drafted by the Lakers, by default they became my favorite team. Not too many people can say they became a Lakers fan after Magic and Kareem... and before Shaq and Kobe, but I can. I remember Eddie, Nick Van Excel, Elden Campbell, Cedric Ceballos, and Vlade Divac. Those were my Lakers.

Then in 1996-1997, we signed Shaquille O'Neal as a free agent, and we traded for Kobe Bryant. Expectations went through the roof. I didn't like Kobe at first. He seemed cocky and selfish, and he was trying to take my man Eddie Jones spot. After a year or two, he earned my respect. I saw how hard he worked, and I saw his appreciation for the game. Even though my favorite player Eddie Jones would end up being traded, the Lakers were still my team.

Fifteen years, a three-peat, break up, rebuilding process, and one title later, I'm still here. Even after Kobe is gone, I will continue to support the Lakers. I just wanted to congratulate the Lakers on winning the title this year, and hopefully I will be making another championship post next time this year.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Crash...

So I get a call yesterday morning saying that one of my friends was in a car accident, and is on life support. On top of that, I was given the task of contacting the mother of his child, since I have a relationship with the family. So I call her and tell her what happened, and she starts crying hysterically. What a way to start the day.

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Apparently Wednesday night Danny and Weezy went out drinking. Danny was driving, and Weezy was in the passenger seat. At around 3am, they were riding down 12Th street between Allen and Liberty... which is your average city block with cars on both sides. Well apparently Danny lost control of the car, and crashed into the back of a flatbed tow truck. The back of the truck ended up smashing though the passenger seat of the car, directly into where Weezy was sitting. Not good.

They were both taken to the hospital in an ambulance. Danny had a few injuries, but nothing major. There were little details on Weezy. All anyone knew was that he was on life support. LIFE SUPPORT! Yeah life support. After waiting around all morning, the doctors finally revealed that Weezy's head was split from his forehead to the back of his head, and that that he had a broken neck. He was put on life support as a precautionary measure because the inside of his head was exposed. He received a cat scan and it was revealed that there was no brain damage. He is now in a coma, and is scheduled to have surgery today. The doctors are optimistic that he will not be permanently paralyzed. They also said he is very lucky to be alive, and that it could have been a lot worse.

This whole incident is just a tragedy. Danny is a good person. He is a college graduate, a father, and a great basketball player. Now he finds himself in a situation where he has to live with himself, knowing he is responsible for the serious injuries of his friend. From my understanding this is not his first DUI, so he is also going to have some legal issues to deal with. As for Weezy, he has a long road to recovery, just to be able to live a normal life again. He is one of the coolest, most generous people I have ever met. About two weeks ago, we had a conversation about fatherhood, and about his four month old daughter. He was holding her, telling me how he loves her, and how he embraces the challenge of being a father. He said her coming into this world has changed his perspective on life. I just hope he gets better, and hope he has the opportunity to be a normal dad again.

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Drunk driving is all bad. Buzzed driving is all bad. As you can see, this irresponsible act has changed the lives of so many in an instant. Not only do you put yourself in danger, but you also put your passengers and the other people on the road in harms way. You also have the families and friends of the victims that have to deal with the pain. If you are going somewhere and you know you are going to drink, you should be prepared and make arrangements for a ride, bring a designated driver, call a cab, get a hotel room, ANYTHING. Anything is much better than the alternative, which is the possibility of hurting yourself or others. I don't even like driving after midnight, because I'm scared I will cross the path of a drunk driver. I never even drink unless I am anywhere but in my home. An incident like this just reinforces why I feel this way. It also makes me appreciate life, understanding that it can all be taken in an instant. Maybe someone will read this and it will help them make a wise decision if they are ever put in a similar situation. Hopefully everyone involved in this incident will make a full physical and emotional recovery. One thing I know, is that it going to take some time.

Stay up Weezy.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Altercation...

So I got into a little altercation the other day...

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I was playing in my basketball game. I am on defense, and the guy I am guarding is trying to post me up. We are both jockeying for position, and it started to get a little physical. The ball went out of bounds, and play stopped. So I turn to walk away... and all of a sudden I feel an elbow to my shoulder. Now I am usually a calm individual, but at that moment I became angry. Without thinking I just rushed him. I put my forearm and my other hand in his face and pushed him back. As he is falling back he swung at me, and nipped me in my nose. Now my adrenaline is pumping and I am ready to fight, but by that time the referees and other players have come between us.

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So now I am talking loud and reckless, ready for whatever. My teammates came over to me and try to calm me down while the referees sort everything out. A few minutes pass, and the person who I was in the altercation with ends up getting kicked out of the game for throwing a punch, and I just get a technical foul. That makes me feel a little better about the situation, so I'm a little calmer now and I continue to play in the game. After the game is over he gives me a pound, kind of squashing the situation.

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It just makes me mad that the whole ordeal had to happen. I have known this person for many years. I come from the same hood he comes from. We know each others families. I am a laid back person, I have a family, and I try to stay away from altercations and drama at all costs. I think he knew that and he tried to play me on the strength of that, and at the same time tried to big himself up considering there were a lot of people watching the game. I'm not proud of the way I retaliated, but at the same time there are situations where a man has to be a man and you can't just let things like that slide. The situation is over to me, and hopefully nothing like that will ever happen again... especially over basketball.

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Yard...

I am 28 years old, and I have never lived in a home with a yard. I have lived in all kinds of apartments and dorm rooms... some with balconies and some had porches... but never anywhere with a yard. I want a yard. It doesn't have to be big. It doesn't have to have flowers. Just a nice quiet space with green grass is all I need. I just want a place outside where I can sit back and relax, and escape the pressures of the world. Owning a home is out of the question right now, and renting the right house is too expensive. So for right now an apartment it is... with no yard of course. I am going to have a yard one day though. One day...

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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...

Puerto Rico...

Me and Nani(I know the correct way to phrase it would be Nani and I... but I don't care) just came back from vacation in Puerto Rico. We went to celebrate our anniversary and her birthday. We stayed at the Intercontinental San Juan Resort and Casino, which is one of the biggest and most beautiful resorts on the island. We visited the El Yunque Rainforest, Old San Juan, and Plaza Las Americas(largest mall in the Caribbean) We ate good food, relaxed on the beach, went jet skiing in the Atlantic Ocean, swam in the pool, and gambled in the Casino. I also got a chance to see my friend Ray who plays professional basketball for the Bayamon Cowboys down there, and chill at his oceanfront condo.

My favorite part of the trip was when we went to Nani's aunt's house. It felt good leaving the resort and getting the authentic puerto-rican experience. Her aunt and uncle had a simple two bedroom home in a nice quiet neighborhood. Their yard had palm trees, a mango tree, coconut tree, and a guava tree... among others. They also had a garden with some of the most beautiful flowers I have ever seen. Her family cooked for us, and got Nani a cake for her birthday. I don't speak much Spanish and they don't speak much English(I am half black/half white for the record)... but we still managed to vibe and have a good time. The atmosphere was really good. It was refreshing being around good people who were happy living humble lives, and who weren't consumed with trying to chase the American Dream. I loved it.

Here are some pictures...

View from the hotel room

Me at a hotel lounge area

Old San Juan

El Yunque Rainforest

Nani with titi Vonne and tio Willie(good people)

Nani's cousin Vanessa and her son Angelo who isn't looking

titi Vonne's friends Alex and Carlos(these guys are hilarious)

This flower/plant was picked from titi Vonne's yard. The picture does not do it justice. It is AMAZING in person

me with Nani's glasses on at the beach

Nani

and at the end of the beach there was this...

Overall the trip was great... better than I could have ever expected. If you are looking for somewhere to go to unwind and have a good time, I definitely recommend Puerto Rico. We will be going back in October for an extended stay because we couldn't get enough.

Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...