I have been an assistant high school basketball coach for the last three years. During that time, I have tried to teach the kids as much as I could about basketball. More importantly, I have tried to teach the kids as much as I could about life.
You see, I was one of these kids. I went to the same school. I came from the same single parent, low-income households as they did. I walked the same streets and had the same experiences. There aren't many male minority role models in our community, so when I was approached about helping out, I was more than happy to accept. I felt it was my responsibility to give back.
Earning the kids respect was no problem. I was young, cool, and I could still play. I also had no problem with the kids opening up to me. In our conversations, I tried to stress the importance of education, being humble, and just being an overall good person. I also tried to convince the kids that sex is something they should wait to do. I understood I was dealing with young 10th graders with uncontrollable sexual curiosity, so I also stressed the importance of wearing a condom if they were going to experiment. I tried to make sure they knew I wasn't saying this to try to deprive them of anything, but that I was just talking from experience.
You see, I was one of these kids. I went to the same school. I came from the same single parent, low-income households as they did. I walked the same streets and had the same experiences. There aren't many male minority role models in our community, so when I was approached about helping out, I was more than happy to accept. I felt it was my responsibility to give back.
Earning the kids respect was no problem. I was young, cool, and I could still play. I also had no problem with the kids opening up to me. In our conversations, I tried to stress the importance of education, being humble, and just being an overall good person. I also tried to convince the kids that sex is something they should wait to do. I understood I was dealing with young 10th graders with uncontrollable sexual curiosity, so I also stressed the importance of wearing a condom if they were going to experiment. I tried to make sure they knew I wasn't saying this to try to deprive them of anything, but that I was just talking from experience.
You see, I had a child when I was 17 years old. I was in 12th grade. I was a good athlete, and I was getting letters and calls from colleges across the country. Having a child limited my options. My life and my choices were no longer just about me. Having a child was the defining factor on where I would eventually go to school. I couldn't go too far away, and leave my responsibilities as a father. In talking to the kids, I always used myself and my experience as an example. And for the most part, it seemed like they got it.
Well about a month ago, I got the news that one of the kids who was graduating this year is expecting a child. The moment that thought processed through my mind, this feeling of disappointment came over me. It wasn't even disappointment in him though... it was disappointment in me. I kind of felt like it was my fault, and I felt like I failed him. Maybe I didn't talk about sex enough with him? Maybe I didn't stress enough the importance of wearing a condom? I just kept asking myself if there was anything I could have said or done differently in our three year relationship that could have prevented this from happening. After I let it sink in, I realized that it wasn't my fault. I realized that I can't save the world. I can just give advice about things I have learned through my experiences, and hopefully some of it will stick.
I recently had a long conversation with the young man, and I tried to again use my experience to help prepare him for what he is about to go through. He said he and the girl aren't on the best of terms right now. I tried to make sure he understands the importance of that relationship, and how he has to do whatever it takes to make it remain civil... even if they don't end up together. This is an emotional time for her, so I made sure he understands he needs to console her, and help her though this. This is not the time to be macho. He has to swallow his pride. He has to go to appointments with her, talk to her, be supportive and positive at all times. He has plans on going to school 4 hours away. I urged him to reconsider, and maybe go to a community college for 2 years. His help will be needed at home. Not only that, but he wants to make sure he builds a strong foundation with the child while the child is young. I tried to explain to him that there are certain moments that he will never be able to get back if he is away. Sacrifices like this are part of becoming a father, and becoming a man. Throughout our whole conversation, he looked me in the eye and it seemed like he was really valuing what I was saying to him.
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This past Sunday, I actually seen him and her together. They were talking, holding hands, and they looked relatively happy together. He looked back at me and he smiled. It was kind of one of those thank you smiles. At that moment I felt good, and I felt like he took something away from our conversation. Hopefully he can continue to use the advice from the things that I have learned through my experiences, to make his experience during these times a positive one.
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Ok that's all for now... thank you for visiting and stay tuned...
you're right it wasn't your fault. the best thing you could have done was try to give him advice which is exactly what you did. people will continue to make mistakes no matter what, it all depends on how they handle the situation afterward that shows what kind of person they really are.
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